Fate And Destiny

I am back, for recess week.

2011-09-25T00:19:00.004+08:00

Recess week is finally here. So much have passed and happened since my last post in May. After General Election, we saw Presidential Election and the Formula 1 race is currently happening in Singapore, over these few days. More significant to me, university life has officially begun. 2 months have since passed. Months felt like weeks, and weeks felt like days. It is so face paced and I go by every day without much time for myself.

I reminiscence those times when I could spend the whole day not doing anything but enjoying the wonders of life. Right now, I barely have the time to blog, as you can see from the drought of post since pre-matriculation time. The last time I hit the gym was last month. I ran only 8km this month. The last movie I watched was quite a couple of weeks ago and I cannot remember the movie title anymore. I haven't don my goggles for 2 months. My lifestyle has changed significantly.

I do miss those times when I toggle between doing LITO at underwater world, and going to schools to do relief teaching. But I have to be realistic. Life has to move on and I cannot stay in that kind of pace for the rest of my life. Nonetheless, those months that went by after ORD was worth remembering, and worth the time spent. There was so much I learnt then that no textbook in school can teach. The experience is invaluable, and I do savour every second spent.

Moving on, university life isn't easy. It is tough, but tougher than I expected it to be. It gives me great pride to be the pioneer batch of students in the Renaissance Engineering Programme. This ties along with the immense expectations of us. Fundamentals of Management Professor addresses us as REP scholars, a title I am uncomfortable with. We are learning beyond Year 1 stuff. I like the challenge, but I lack the confidence to do well. My class consist of half of us who are Nanyang Scholars, and the other half College Scholars, not forgetting a handful of about 5 who are scholars of external organisations like SMRT and SIAEC. I don't feel like I'm up to the mark. Occasionally, I even feel undeserving of the scholarship. Some of the college scholars seem to outperform us. I do a self comparison with the other NYS and I do feel I lack the competence with some of the most capable in the group.

Prof Er talked about the 3 key pillars of the programme. I think I score high in AQ, which stands for adversity quotient. Like my facebook discription says, I never give up. I hope I can bank on this to tide me through the next 4 over years. The workload is high, but I don't see forsee myself dropping out from the course. It is not of my nature to give up halfway, and I will push on. As they say, all eyes are watching, within NTU, and outside of NTU. The ministry is monitoring our progress closely. We rank high on the most desirable course among JC students. I will not disappoint.

Academics aside, I do try to find time to socialise and make friends with the people from my hall and my CCA. I'm currently a member of the school's welfare service club and NTU NPCC. I do hope to join the BP NTU mentong programme and be part of the Exco for one of the Youth Expedition Project. I am still in the process of applying. It actually looks overly ambitious, but its too early to gauge I guess. Time will tell.

I also come to a conclusion that a significant portion of university guys are desperate for girls. FYP is no joke, because it is true whether you are doing it for the school or for yourself, it is part of the university experience. Both are equally important and if you still wonder what it stands for, they refer to Final Year Project and Find Your Partner. In a matter of time, I will see one couple from my hall orientation group. And slowly the next, and one by one, they start getting attached. I might be one of the last in the lot, the unwanted few that's left on the shelf. Whether it is a delibrate decision or not, I see myself too busy with all the school work. And I am not sure if the girl I likes like me. So to save myself the headache... Probably I will leave it to fate. Afterall, why care when the matter is not within your jurisdiction? It is not a matter of how much I like her, because she has to have something for me too before something can happen between us.

With that, I leave everyone with this quote: "Love is a batterfield. You either kill, or get killed. Run if you can." It is not difficult to tell which category I fall under. Have a good recess week people, enjoy despite the stress. Good night.

MP Low Thia Khiang

2011-05-08T15:49:00.002+08:00

The way he speaks rather "guailan". But still I think it's quite funny and kind of strikes a chord with the average Singaporeans. Maybe that is why he won. Haha.

General Election 2011

2011-05-08T13:17:00.007+08:00

07 May marks the end of a very strongly contested General Election, as well as the start of a new era of Singapore politics. It is said that Singaporeans are politically apathetic, especially the younger generation of Singaporeans. After having been through this GE, I do think otherwise. The rise in political awareness among us Singaporeans nowadays can be attributed to a stronger and more active participation of the opposition. Whoever side you may be on, you cannot deny the importance of the opposition in any political arena.

In the past days, I've witness numerous political discussion among peers on social media as well as physical discussion of political views. There is no right or wrong, no better or worse between the political groups. It is down to preference, and personal beliefs. I've read critical articles towards the ruling party, as well as debates on the capability of the oppositions to deliver their promises. I feel that what is important here is to know that Singaporeans are discussing about their options, and they exercising their choices in their votes. Regardless opposition or not, I believe our voices stem from the necessity of propelling our nation forward.

While there are some who are comfortable at status quo, I hold on to the view that increased political competition and the emergence of an opposition view will keep the ruling party in check. It is unrealistic to hope that opposition will form a worthy opponent of the PAP, at least within this decade. However, the point here is to provide the opposition to prove itself. No doubt the past generations of the PAP has done much from our nations, and we definitely cannot shortchange the sacrifice our Minister Mentor put in together with our forefathers in nation building after independence. Nonetheless, have we asked ourselves if our nation has progressed as much as we have wanted it to since the last elections? From a noble point of view, have the rest of our Singaporeans progressed at the same pace as we do?

It seems to me the strength and ability of the ruling party has reached its tipping point. While it is still doing a fine job in maintaining our country, its improvements has been less significant as it used to be. There are Singaporeans who are still doing well despite the rising cost of living and are hence wouldn't mind the casting their votes for the ruling party. However, there are some who yearn for a change. Putting your votes for the opposition is a tough decision. It is akin to chartering onto an unknown territory, but I salute these people for their bravery - the close to 40% of Singaporeans who didn't vote for the PAP.

My point here is to provide the opposition with a chance to exercise the change that they promise, the change that some of us Singaporeans hope to see. We never know till we try, therefore do not be so fast to form your opinion. Many say a 2 party political system will not work in our "Uniquely Singapore", or at least says our Minister Mentor. However, have we ever had the chance to try this out? The last time the opposition was as close to winning so many seats was in the 80s or 90s when 4 out of the entire parliament was occupied by the opposition. Implementation of NCMP is a step forward, but I feel the ruling party is trying too hard to mislead the people into believing it is sufficient to create any form of proper debate. Even now when the Worker's Party is taking up 6 out of the 87 seats in the parliament, it still forms a small minority that will be too weak to overturn any policies. Then why vote for the opposition? Because I feel it will enable us to progress forward as a nation. Its presence sends a strong message to the government that some Singaporeans are unhappy because they are left out in enjoying the fruits of our progress. The points of debate with regards to issues like foreign talent and increased cost of living is definitely relevant because better solutions are needed. It is in my hope that their presence will stifle stronger competition and encourage the PAP to be more meticulous in their formulation of policies.

We should not vote the opposition for the sake of having one, and with respect to this, I am heartened to see the maturity of Singaporeans when casting their votes. Some of the caliber of the opposition leaves much to be desired, and even if voted into the parliament, it is unlikely they will provide any constructive opinions and hence should not even be voted in. The fear for voting the opposition is unfounded. Like what Minister Mentor say, we have 5 years to "regret and repent". However, if this leads to a better governance, I quote MP Chen Show Mao, we'll "revive and rejoice". While 5 years is essentially half a decade, I do not think it will create havoc should the WP really mess up our politics. As I said, this is the first time we have 6 seats occupied by the opposition and we should give them a chance like how our forefathers gave PAP one after independence. We always have the option of voting them out if they fail to perform as expected.

I am sympathetic towards Minister George Yeo's loss in Aljunied. From my narrow observation, he has done much to better himself as a person and as a Minister. I applaud his effort to reach out to the young through the use of social media. I appreciate his humbleness and sincerity as he speaks. In my opinion, he is much better than some of the "Proud Arrogant People" I see in the PAP. But as much as I think highly of him, I do not believe his dismissal from the cabinet will spell the end of our foreign policies. I have faith the PAP will have sufficient talents to fill this gap. It is sad that he had to pay the price for the arrogance of the other candidates, but this is reality. This is a competitive world which usually permits the survival of the fittest. It is unfortunate that some of the hate votes towards the ruling party had to be cast in his GRC. However, we have to note that it is the idea of the PAP to have created this uniquely (Singapore) different political system here in the form of GRC.

I also wish to highlight the effort of the opposition MP, Mr Chiam See Tong who has lost his SMC seat in his bid for a GRC. Perhaps time wasn't on his side, and his newly formed party lacked credibility unlike the Worker's Party who has a longer history. I find much similarity in Mr Chiam as in Mr J B J. Their perseverance and determination to fight for their cause will be something I will emulate for the rest of my live. I do hope that Mr Chiam do not give up and if health permits, I believe the citizens of Potong Pasir will gladly welcome his competition in the next coming election.

As of now, let's put aside our indifference, whether you voted for the ruling party or the opposition. At the end of it, we're still Singaporeans and let's hope this newly formed parliament can propel our nation forward.

Phailure

2011-04-29T15:52:00.002+08:00

I was wondering if there's anyone on the new Internet Explorer who's able to successfully post on blogger? Because I can't, and right now I'm using Firefox too. Firefox's my backup browser. I'm too used to using IE, so I'm sticking to it since I'm more comfortable with that. Anyway, just to share, I failed my driving practical test today. It was kind of expected, perhaps because I'm too pessimistic and lack confidence in my ability. It doesn't help that I get so much criticism from my instructor.. Up till this week then it got better, like he said I'm improving. Still, it wasn't good enough and I feel that way too.

I'm already into my 25th lesson, and I've learn everything more or less, with some good practices already. So I thought, why not try my luck? The very first bad omen about the test was that I've got this very stern looking Malay tester. Second shit that struck was that my car reversed while on the slope section in the circuit. Fuck. This always happen to Mr Chai's car. I think I was too nervous, I didn't step the brake and pull the handbrake hard enough, though I swear I'm using a hell lot of force already. 4 Demerit points.

Vertical parking and directional change went well, so did the S course and the Crank course. Next shit that struck was when I was doing parallel parking. Fuck. He was being damn picky when I told him my car was fully parked. He claimed it's not straight enough. It's one of the hardest and I only have 5 minutes in total before I fail this station. I tried to adjust using ways I never tried before before I finally got it right. He checked if I've hit the curb. I thought I didn't, and thank goodness I was right.

Okay, so the biggest shit came when I just began driving on the road. Fuck my life, I was sabotaged my a fellow Practical Test driver. Just a couple of metres away from the BBDC exit, I was told to make this right turn, and so I did. I was the 4th car in the queue, behind a double L plate driver. This fker hesitated before moving off, and he was lucky the light was still green. I was already starting to move off, when it began flashing. Fuck. I'm screwed. I've already crossed the line. The green arrow flashed and is about the turn red. Either way I'm screwed. If I stopped, I've cross the line and it's immediate failure. If i proceeded to move on and the red light shows, it's another immediate failure. That lucky ass in front of me manage to turn off in time. Fuck, I hope he fails. I've learn my lesson. I should be more "humji" in the future and wait for the next turn instead of rushing off.

So from there, everything went down hill. It's a straightforward failure, and no amount of convincing would change that and I just shut my mouth. In total, I was awarded 20 demerit points. Anything below 20 will constitute a pass. The only consolation was that I've only got 8 demerits from within the circuit. The other 12 came from very small errors that deducted 2 points each time. If not for the IF, I might have passed. I'll try harder the next time, till then.

Singapore or China?

2011-04-17T14:56:00.004+08:00

Three months; I have that much time left before a new chapter of my life unfolds. The past few weeks of my life has been met with several unexpected surprises. For those who have been following my blog regularly, you might have known that I'm applying for Medicine again through the EIS scheme. Unfortunately, sorry to disappoint because I wasn't granted an interview again. In a way, I felt like I had let down the people whom have supported me through this difficult time and helped me with my application this year. I wish to thank my teachers, especially Mr Tan and Mr Liw who didn't give up on me, and yet kindly rewrote another Letter of Recommendation for me. I will bear in mind the advice that Mr Tan gave, thank you once again. It wasn't much of a surprise that I wasn't granted another interview. I compared my achievement with a few others applying again, and mine was no where near worthy of a fight. I thought my sincerity, and the letters of recommendation could be my triumph card, but sadly it was not to be. Perhaps I have forgotten about those who have excellent achievement on top of their outstanding portfolios. Never the less, I'm glad I tried, and to all who have helped, thank you for giving me this chance so that I'll have no regrets.

On a positive note, I received a pleasant surprise from NTU early this week after knowing of my rejection for EIS. Earlier on, I found out I was offered the REP Programme from the joint admission portal. A few days later, I received a letter notifying me of my acceptance on top of a Nanyang Scholarship. I couldn't believe it because the only interview I attended was the one for REP, and even though the dean of admission was present, I have yet to submit my scholarship application on that day. In addition, the Nanyang Scholarship is the best bond free scholarship that NTU offers and honestly speaking, I don't think I am up to the mark. If I was that good, NUS Medicine would have accepted me 2 years ago.. Sigh. But its an offer too tempting to resist. My mind is set that should I stay in Singapore, I'll be going to NTU instead of NUS. I've been through many rounds of rejection by NUS, and really I have had enough. First Medicine, then dentistry, followed by GEP and EIS; seriously anyone with a determination of steel will also have his confidence shattered. Fuck you NUS. I'm not a talent, but at least I have the perseverance, but you don't see that in me. You not giving me a second chance, and neither am I giving you one too.

Anyway, my application to NTU was somewhat by chance, and for a moment I was actually contemplating whether to apply or not. REP is a new programme and though I've briefly read about it on the news before, I wasn't particularly dying to get into the programme. But thank god I did, because I'm not really satisfied with having to stay at NUS to study environmental engineering. REP is comparable to GEP, and I suppose it's NTU's equivalent and respond to NUS's GEP. They're fundamentally similar, both leading to a Masters in 4-5 years, with 1 year of exposure at a top overseas university. The only difference is that REP is more structured, with everything properly planned out. Students in this course will spend one year at UC Berkley, with attachement at Silicon Valley. Both Masters and bachelor will be awarded by NTU, unlike the case for NUS where students will do their Masters at a top US institute, which I feel is better but subjected to grade performance. Anyway, since NTU is offering me a scholarship to cover most of the course, I'll gladly accept it. I have no idea why, since I wasn't that outstanding in terms of portfolio and during the interview. Maybe it's just part of god's plan, and I'm thankful for that.

I'm now in the midst of applying to China, and I'll wait for the results from them before I make the tough decision of whether to stay in Singapore or head to China. :)

PrayforJapan

2011-03-15T00:28:00.003+08:00

This post is partly dedicated to the victims of the earthquake in Japan. Regardless your religion, please take a moment to pray for these people. It's heartbreaking to see what that has happened to them. If it's that bad on video, it'll definitely be worse at the actual scene. Do some reflection and look at how fortunate we are in Singapore to be protected from such major natural disaster.

My instructor, Mr Chai, is getting on nerves to a certain extent. He's a good instructor, but he's taking way too long for me to complete my driving course and attain my lesson. Just to set the record straight, this is my 7th month learning driving under him. What a joke. Some people get their lisence after a month of intensive lessons, and here I am, under an instructor who can only provide lesson once per week, and every fortnight if he decides to block off the entire week for holidays or what not. Never mind, I'll try to keep things under control. But please don't laugh if one day I tell you i took 9 months to get my lisence, thank you.

This month is rather unfortunate, and next month might be worse. I may be somewhat jobless though i am holding on to a part time job. Here is why. I could have done more camps this month, if not for several last minutes changes or cancellation. I ended up doing about 5-6 camps and I've not met my personal quota. There's lesser banquet this month too, and the rate has returned back to 6 dollars per hour. I got a call today asking me down for Banquet job from 6-11pm. Hell no. I'm not going down for 30 bucks, minus 5 bucks on transport and netting in 25 bucks on top of 3 hours of travelling time. There's certain things that's off limit for myself. And there's even fewer camps next month, countable with a palm. So.. I wonder what i'll be doing for the whole of the month unless I'm lucky enough to get a phone call from the schools, primary or secondary. Pulled a few strings on both sides and hope I'm getting enough luck to get called back. I'll just wait in the meantime.

Aside from that, I'm going down for an interview for a Patient Service Associate Job. Genuinely, I'm not very interested in this job. I don't like sitting in front of the desk, scanning IC, making appointments etc. I prefer to be moving around and interacting with people on a more personal level. If not for the opportunity to be working at a hospital, such a job will never cross my mind. Perhaps I'll stay for a month or two if I'm offered the job, or leave it if I need to sign a contract. It's not worth it, regardless of what. I don't want my time to be spend in agony, afterall I'll hardly have such leisure time anymore when university begins.

So.. That's all for now. My toy will be arriving tomorrow, so come back for updates! :)

University Application

2011-03-07T13:33:00.002+08:00

Guess what guys.. I'm having an entire week of rest from today, Monday, all the way till this Saturday when I will have 2 camps consecutively. This break cannot have came at a better time just after the release of the 'A' level results. Though I'm not getting my results this year, this spells the opening of the application of University for the academic year 2011/2012. It'll give me ample time to prepare and apply for all sorts of crap from the university. I'm putting the China university application aside for the moment because their application typically starts only in the beginning of April.

I might not be penning a very long post today, because in the upcoming days I'll be writing several essays that will put be to ultimate boredom. As you know, essays or personal statement are common in University application, and they can never be a fun thing to do unless they detail you aspiration and inspiration, from the bottom of your heart, truly. So of all the essays I'll be writing, it seems I'm only more enthusiastic about the one for the EIS. In actual fact, I've already complete my first draft. Yippe Yeah Yeah! A few more to go for the USP, for my first application to NTU and SMU and abit of polishing up to do here and there.

This time round, I'm determined to finish up my essays by myself. I think one of my mistakes 2 years ago was to listen too much about the opinion of others. It is not to say that it is bad.. Afterall, its good to have a second opinion and to think and consider other's point of view. But the change should not be made entirely, and completely based on what they feedback. I think a general opinion would suffice. I guess 2 years of National Service has done a little good by giving me time to mature. My friend felt that my draft for EIS was much better that what I submitted 2 years back and that's good enough for me to feel that I've progressed a step forward. In other words, I'm just gonna write and submit what I feel is necessary and good for myself. Anyway, every essay is different and each has its own unique story to tell. I'm telling mine, and all the more I should be responsible for it. No one eles knows better what I wish to portray other than myself. At the very least if it screws up, I know I only have myself to blame, and that should be the way to go.

Nonetheless, I still appreciate any feedback given, good or bad as it gives me a vague impression of what others perceive of it. Nothing in this world can be entirely perfect and even the PAP's policies has its own proponents and detractors and my own essays will be no different. I wish everyone else applying to this year's admission all the best and may you get into the course of your choice!

Waiting, for the good & bad.

2011-02-27T22:56:00.003+08:00

I initially wanted to talk about the YMCA camp I took at Underwater World yesterday, but I decided not to because I don't think it'll generate any interest any way. Lately, I've been rather occupied with work and the usual routine like catching a movie and hitting the gym or visiting the pool. I barely have the chance to spend an entire day at home doing nothing, but it's alright because I'm enjoying almost every moment of now. I thought I might have time to play an hour or two of Maplestory but so far, I still didn't have the chance.

Anyway, I found it quite hard to have anything worthy of sharing with you guys, so once again I apologise for the lack of updates. Recently, I just applied to the China University through the online portal, but they'll only get back to me in a few months time since their application period doesn't open till late March. Therefore, I'll just wait on patiently. 'A' levels result will be out the following Friday and the good news is that I'll get another shot to apply for Medicine through EIS. However, the bad news is its not easy to be granted an interview through EIS, so i'll not be pinning any hopes. I'll just try for the sake of trying.. I mean you'll never know what those guys at NUS admission office are thinking. Who knows, they might decide to give poor determined me a valuable second chance. HAHA.

I've sold quite a few of my toys over the weekend. Gone are two of my medicom figures. I'm left with my most expensive Ultraman Father figure. I managed to sell my Iron Man Mark IV because I wasn't satisfied with the Quality Check on the figure. Honestly, on the overall, its a great figure but given the risk and the price, I doubt I'll get another of those toys though it looks really good on display, I swear. From the spare cash, I'm saving some and a small portion will go into funding two of my new acquisition. I'm getting a Kyomoto figure at a bargain of $60 because its second hand. For the second time, I'm doing an online order from HLJ and I'm looking forward to their arrival on my hands. This time I chose EMS delivery, which is supposedly faster and trackable. Since it didn't cost much more than SAL, I thought I'll give it a try since the last time I used SAL it took "years" to arrive, metaphorically. Lol.

Not to forget posting their pictures here when they arrive, but in the meantime, we'll wait. - For all the good things in life to come (Hopefully, because for me it has been a consecutive wave of bad stuff recently).

At a loss

2011-02-16T17:26:00.002+08:00

Hello.

I expect the next few months to be very bumpy, with uncertainties and surprises. First and foremost, Grandma just suddenly fall ill a few days after Chinese New Year. Thankfully she's getting better and I presume that she will be discharged in a week's time judging from her condition today.

Today, I also attended the GEP interview. It was a lengthy 40 minutes interview that left my throat rather dry at the end. I wondered how I performed for it. In my opinion, it felt alright. In that sense it's not too screwed up, quite smooth and I felt like I stood a chance. But I'm not confident of getting it. More importantly, I wonder what their views are?

Honestly, the programme is quite awesome. Firstly, it's a 3 years scholarship for the undergraduate period. On top of that, its a direct honours in 3 years, provided I meet the mark. 4th year will be spend at a good overseas university to do postgraduate. If I intend to go to Duke, I can give it a shot at the 3rd and 4th year. With a good programme like the GEP, I think I definitely stand a chance. The concern is whether or not I meet the expectations of the vigourous curriculum. It's definitely worth considering, but it might take a bit too long.

I just found out the MBBS programme conducted by Fudan University is not recognised as a registrable degree by SMC. I am still finding out more from SMC. So far from what I understand, I will be given a chance to register as a Doctor as long as I pass a qualifying examination conducted by YLLSoM. It doesn't sound too bad, but definitely intimidating. I forsee alot of problems by taking this route. There's a risk, I have to cope in a foreign environment and I might have difficulty obtaining a specialisation slot when I'm back. The only good thing is that I can start studying Medicine immediately, albeit a less prestigious route.

Anyone can advise? Assuming I am presented with these two options.

We should empty the bin.

2011-02-01T23:59:00.002+08:00

Chinese New Year is just around the corner, and what have you guys been busy with? For myself, I took the chance to dump all the unnecessary rubbish from all the cabinet and drawers which I had not touched for the bulk of the past year. I'm preparing myself for the next CNY because should I really be studying in China, I might not be back for the next one. I realised I have so much untouched junk. Some scholarship letters and invitation back in 2007/2008.. It kind of reminded me of a time when I was in triumph, of a time when I was truly wanted as a worthy resource in a future company. I compare that with myself now, a thrash that is struggling to hang on to the thin line of thread and I felt pitiful for myself.

A bulk of the thrash came from the university as brochures and information booklets. They all went into the bin except for a selected few which I might need for my interview 2 weeks from now. Wish myself luck. Honestly, I'm not really serious about this, but better than nothing I guess. But it's a really good programme and I do feel priviledged to be given a shot at it, though I wish my chance came in another form, like another chance to attend a Medicine Admission interview. I was reading the EIS website and I am rather convinved to apply and give it a shot as well. For your information, EIS stands for Exceptional Individual Scheme. Everytime I tell someone I am considering applying through EIS, I am somewhat short of embarrassed. The next thing people ask is what does EIS stand for, but I am nowhere near Exceptional. I really feel they should replace the word Exceptional with something less intimidating. Since, it's the only way for a reject like myself, I guess I don't really have a choice.

Also, I came across many stuff which I had not touched in a long time, things which brought back some good memories. Letters to my ex, which I still keep and other written notes from friends over the years. Pictures dating all the way back to primary school and even some group shots during those good times during NCC. I took a few more glance because god knows the next time I take them out again with be a few years later. I also took the chance to throw things which should disappear forever. As some people say, when it is time to move on, please do so. That also means throwing anything that accompanies with it that may hold you back. In total, this CNY I dumped 3 bags of thrash. It is kind of hilarious, because I was a bit reluctant to dump those thrash. What an irony.

At the moment, it is Chinese New Year eve. Let me use this chance to wish all of you guys out there, 恭喜发财，兔飞猛进，心想事成，万事如意！Huat ah~

Don't fucking put the blame on me.

2011-01-22T22:33:00.003+08:00

Just when I started feeling good about my job, my confidence level took a hit. A few days back, I took one of the most difficult group for the camp at UWS. That did matter, but to a lesser extent than how I was affected by the responses of the fellow staffs at workplace. Allow me to explain, and if the person intended to see this do see this, it will be very ideal.

When things screw up, the first and most convenient thing to do is to start pointing fingers. No one will put the blame on themselves. No one will think that they are in the wrong, if there is in fact any one at fault at all or is it just a matter of bad luck and circumstances. People at the top of the hierachy occasionally start pinpointing at their subordinates. It is the newest staff who usually takes the blame, and in the uneventful happening a few days ago, I felt like I was the victim.

This group of students and teachers came from China. They behave in a way different from us, they have their own culture and habit, but sad to say they fail to conform to ours even though they are in our country. Most of the time, as guests from a foreign land, it is best to act in line with the local's expectation. Shit happened at Dolphin Lagoon during the Fur-Seal interaction. I forsee something ominent coming my way, but I am hardly in any position to do anything to save my own ass.

I told the group they are to take pictures with the Fur-Seal in pairs, and no single photos are allowed. At the end of the queue, I have 3 students and teachers. The female teacher refused to take a photo with the student in front of her because she claims they are from a different school. The last teacher at the end of the queue vaguely said, he will not take if time does not permit. So the female teacher and student each took an individual shot. The trainer asked if there's anyone else, I said no. Last teacher suddenly said, please let me have a shot before rushing into the Fur-Seal area. In the end, 3 individual shots were taken. The trainers were not happy, Education Officer (EO) who was present, was not happy. Now, tell me what the fuck is right that I should have done. Tell me you can propose a better solution.

EO said I should have emphasised more about the regulation of taking paired shots. When she told me that, was she assuming I had not done so? Define more times. 1 million times? Tell me, how many times, in definite amount, is sufficient for your liking? I already said, I told them more than twice before the interaction, what else more do you expect of me? Am I suppose to reject the last teacher's request to take a picture with the Fur-Seal? Let's say that happens, and he complains to the management or write this in the feedback, who is there to blame? Will you tell me that I should have just allowed him to take the shot because it will not take long? Will you start telling me like you always had, "No matter what, he is still our customer and we should give in to him whenever possible." Or do we waste time deliberating if we should let him take the picture or not? Or do we just allow him to take a quick one which will not take more than another 10 seconds? Will the Fur-Seal lose half a heart because of an additional 10 seconds on land? Please, let me know how important 10 seconds are to the Fur-Seal so that I can let the campers know too. Because all I know is that some of you guys out there are just so good at contracting your own selves and the only thing that you guys do is to begin pointing fingers and putting the blame on others immediately even before listening to what I have got to say or evaluate the situation first.

If you have a FUCKING better alternative that I could have done, instead of "Oh you should have emphasised" - because you know what that is just plain bullshit, let me know and we will talk again.

Thank you.

The Checklist Manifesto

2011-01-16T22:08:00.004+08:00

"How to get things right". Those are the exact words written on the cover of the book. In the aviation context, one of the ways is ensuring the flight checklist is thoroughly gone through before takeoff. In the aspect of healthcare, doctors are adopting the same method that was used for decades in the aviation industry. It is only beginning to take off, but its initial results are astonishing. It makes a difference in the amount of lives that could be safe by ensuring basic steps are not being missed out during surgery.

As we advance in technology, we have better machines to aid doctors in the care of patients. As we research and study, we understand more about patients and develop better ways to increase survival rates. But something as fundamental as a checklist is not widely adopt. Because somewhat somehow, doctors feel that using one will take a hit into their ego. Afterall, doctors are held in high esteem and only the most intelligent qualify to be part of the league by obtaining admission to medical school. The use of a checklist seems like a sign of weakness, because it shows dependency. However, if you consider its effectiveness, and we humans are not infallible creatures, perhaps you should reconsider your opinion about the checklist.

Even with substantial proof that it helps, WHO is still actively trying to promote and and push for its use in hospitals around the world. It is picking up, but the goal is still quite a long path ahead. Sometimes, we are so used to doing things in a routine way and we find it hard to adopt a different approach. Everything new involves an unchartered risk, and perhaps that might be the reason why some doctors are hesitant. But like the saying goes, no pain no gained. Nothing ventured, nothing learnt. Risk and failures are part of success. The initial checklist crafted was a failure, but it didn't stop there because a group of dedicated doctors persevered with their idea and gave their commitment by further studying and evaluating its use.

The steps to success begin from the basics. The first thing that the doctors did after the idea of a checklist was conceived was simply to do research. They didn't start from scratch because there were those who were already using one in the course of their work. Construction teams use them. Pilots use them. They were doing well with a checklist, and they had advice to offer. They had lessons that the doctors can learn from. Perseverance and determination were traits that the doctors had. The initial checklist used did not take off as ideally as they wanted it to be. But they improvised. They rope in the support of WHO. They did research at several hospitals around the world to prove its results. They gather more evidence and research results to convince that it works. Of course, they had to believe in their idea.

Similarly, choosing to apply to study in China did not come as a coincidence. Though I did not make it locally, I was not ready to submit myself to an Engineering course at NUS. I believed in what I wanted. The former could be the easy way out, afterall, I was offered the course. It will be a smooth (but unjoyable) transition from National Service to tertiary education. But success occasionally lies in calculated risk. I did my research, just like the doctors did as they crafted out a checklist. I found realistic alternatives, like China. The nation is trying to boost its university reputation by recruiting international students and offering an English medium MBBS course, I thought, why not? Hence it seems my rejection locally might not be a bad thing afterall. It might provide me with a change. And it could be my step to success, just as how a checklist could be the key to reducing surgery fatality. I am keeping an open mind, but I will apply when the time comes.

I am excited, because I found my checklist. Everyone is different, and each has their own ways to success. What yours?

What I Like About My Job

2011-01-16T13:14:00.003+08:00

By now most of you all would have know that I am currently working part time at Underwater World. Though I have a few other part time jobs, I will consider the one at Underwater World as my main job that should take the top most priority, because I find it the most fulfilling and meaningful. And the secondary reason is that it is my primary source of income for the moment. The past week is perhaps the most demoralising week since the start of 2011, with a few unexpected turn out of events which was rather unpleasant. However, I believe a lot lies in perspective and at how we view it. A very pessimistic approach will be to rant it all out on the blog, something which i nearly did a few days ago, but I gave it a second though and decided to say about what I like about my job.

With every job comes the positive and negative aspect of it. For today, I'll do away with the bad side and just focus on everything good about it. Honestly, there's a lot of things I like about my job. Firstly, it helps in my presentation skills. I'll be very straightforward in saying all along these years, I've been quite poor at presenting myself and voicing my views in the view of a group of audience. It's something which I am just not good at. We each have other own strength and weakness. Here, lies my weakness. But weaknesses can be worked on and improved and even though it'll be hard to be at the top notch level, there's at least ways to make it to the average level if you put in the effort. Presentation in camps is unlike what I do at Project Work presentation. The audience in PW is a dead group. For those who ever done PW, you'll know better. They're just there for the added effect. They don't question, they don't participate, and they usually don't respond. This is unlike what I do in my job. You cannot go to every presentation with a pre-scripted write out because every group is different. Their strengths differ, their interest isn't always the same though they're supposed to be there to learn about marine mammals. Most importantly, their level of enthusiasm fluctuates.

As a camp facilitator, I got the honour and priviledge to conduct camps for people from all walks of life, from kids in kindergarten to polytechnic, from adults to foreigners. And these different groups of people behave and react in different ways, and it's thought me of the need to adapt and change so as to suit their difference in personality. The more presentation I do, the more confidence it gave me to speak for myself. It's a skill i deeply lack and I know it because one of the reason why i failed to get into medical school was because I failed to impress during my interview. Interviews come at several intervals of our life, and I hope I'll be better prepared for the next one, and if there's any improvements I'll have to thank the opportunities that my job gave me.

It also reaffirm my commitment to getting a job which involves working with people, and I think a job as a doctor fits the bill. During national service, I though I'll have a better life doing an adminstrative assistant job, but I realised it was not to be. It's not my liking to sit in front of the desk doing data entry. Perhaps the only hightlight was offering advice to the superiors because of my appointment as an R&D clerk and the satisfaction in knowing my opinions were worth something. In other words, I'll prefer doing something which can make a difference, something which will allow me to work with people. While I was doing the camp, I found out how much I liked to interact and make new friends with people. Even though sometimes people may feel I'm a little hard to break the ice with, don't worry because I'm definitely working on it. It's nice to still be able to maintain contact with a few of those very wonderful people who have attended the camp.

At the end of it, I'll wish to emphasise, I love my job!

Hi

2011-01-13T22:41:00.003+08:00

I've got this long post about work, but I concluded it's not the wisest of idea to comment online. Anyway, I hope you guys had a good time celebrating Xmas and the New Year, and very soon it'll be Chinese New Year and we'll all be very excited about it.

I need more work. I need more oppportunities. Lady luck will you provide some, please? I have University to save up for, thank you.

Happy new year pull your ear.

2011-01-04T23:49:00.004+08:00

A brand new year spells a brand new start. Not necessarily. It's nothing more than a common and well accepted start point, the position you start from after a refresh. Afterall, it's relative. Chinese New Year begins only in Feb, the Muslim already celebrated their New Year, and mentally mine began when I became Operationally Ready. It's a fresh start all over again when you leave the army. So the very common question you get during the new year will be, what's your new year resolution, what are the plans you have.

Before it's too late, I'll begin with my plans for the upcoming months. I think it's always a good idea to look ahead, to have a rough idea of what to expect based on what you are ready to do. As I always believe, it's good to have a plan in mind. I have 2 weeks from now before I begin my camp spree and with this free time I intend to finish up as much of my online course as possible. Ideally, I hope to complete it by the end of the month and it'll be one less thing down. Anyway, it's not like I have a whole lot of time to finish it and before I run out of time and start to procrastinate, I should learn and practise the power of NOW, and now I will start to read up on my textbook. I've already completed 2 out of the 5 required chapters, so way to go! Camp spree week will be tough. It'll be something like do 1 day, rest 1 day, do 1 day, rest 2 days, do 2 days, rest 1 day, do 2 days, rest 1 day, do 1 day and it'll be close to the end of the month. If this sounds confusing, I'm sorry but it also kind of shows you don't really care to read in detail. It's not that hard I believe. The next thing to look forward to after the camp spree will be Chinese New Year!!

Okay, so that'll be as far as I'll say for now. I'll definitely find time to update a couple of times this month, so in order to sustain your interest and make you come back regularly for more, I'll hold back some details till the next time.. ( I'll be thick-skinned here and assume you're a keen reader who's really interested in my blog.. Haha ) Honestly, I've no idea who visits fateisdestiny.com on a regular basis so I'll just assume and envision the personality type that my group of visitors fall into. Next, what's my new year resolution, like my plans in the long term for 2011?

1. Get into a MBBS course, regardless the location as long as it's recognised my SMC and it's in English.
2. Save up enough to tide myself through for a few years during University. ( that means less clubbing and more working )
3. Continue reading up and hit my read list quota for the year 2011.
4. Constantly reflect on my character and look out for ways to improve.
5. Attain goal No. 1 and snub NUS. Fuck you! _|_ ( yeah i sound like a typical loser reject, but who cares, just so to let you know I won't be ruined by you. )

That's as much as I can process for now. Sometimes it's good to keep the list short. In a way it'll be more practical and easier to achieve. In addition, it'll be easier to start off with.. Imagine a resolution list of 20 pointers, you might not know where to begin. Happy New Year peeps, may 2011 be better than the last decade!

New... Style?

2010-12-27T00:03:00.002+08:00

We're coming to the end of 2010.. Should I change my blogging style? I know how it has evolved over the years, but the current one should have bore you, at least for the one year or so. If you're still following me, i thank you, for your tolerance. I'm suddenly inspired to change after looking at how my other friend blogs. Short and sweet, concise and yet not to the point.. Leaves room for some reflection and smart guessing. Anyway, I'm bored. I've yet to find a proper job and I still kinda sad over the fact that hospitals refuse to hire me, much less even give me a call to let me know I'm shortlisted. Fuck you. And at UWS, I still have people evaluating me after 6 fucking camps, still unsure if I'm cut for the job. Sigh. Why do people have to be so judgemental.. So at the moment I have so many things tying me down. I must finish my NTU course (or so I tell myself). I have to finish reading my books. I have to prepare for the all so important OVERSEAS university admission. Seriously, fuck you NUS. You'll be my last choice.. To the extend if I'm so unwanted by the rest of the world then will I take the course you've given me out of pity. I might apply to the 2 NTU, local and overseas. Maybe not HKU anymore because the chances are slim and it's not worth the admission fees on top of the slightly higher tuition fees though they teach in English. Okay so much for today I'm back to reading biology and a step towards getting my certificate of participation.... yeahhh good night peeps.

Reminiscing the Past

2010-12-26T10:44:00.002+08:00

An entry from my diary in the year early 2009 (declassified):

Since I doubt anyone else can truly understand the way I feel, I think a better way to express my thoughts and emotions will be to write them down.

Occasionally, when I think about how some others manage to get accepted through the 2nd window period, I cannot help but feel how unfair the world has become. I am convinced I deserve the slot more than some of them, yet I wondered why I am not given the 2nd chance to pursue my dreams. Is it really true that I have to leave my fate in the hands of luck?

The more I think about how and where my application went wrong, the more frustrated I become. So much for identifying your passion. Have I not shown enough sincerity from my personal statement, interview and essay? Or has my application simply gone astray? Even some criminals deserve a 2nd chance, why not me who simply wants to make the world a better place and help out the less fortunate?

Life has become too unfair, I feel things are getting out of hand. I am losing control of my life, lost the path that I wanted to head, evaporated the all form of spirit and zest about life. Life feels meaningless, nothing seems to be working out. I don't appear to be badly affected, but deep down I am. Hence, I say how many do actually understand? All the hardwork and perserverance end up to be nothing more than a far-feteched dream. How? Will someone guide me through this path of darkness? What happens next? Will I really be able to emerge stronger from this pile of mess? I guess only God knows and can help.

Signing off, Sean.

--------------End---------------

I posted this, because yesterday i revisited my past and I'm glad I survived this ordeal.

Taiwan and Malaysia

2010-12-22T21:02:00.003+08:00

I was away from Singapore for a short while, and man those time felt really short indeed. From the 10th to 19th of Decemeber, I was at Malaysia and Taiwan with a one day break in Singapore in the middle. I was really enjoying myself and having good fun with friends and family, those memories will definitely stay. With my family, it's like the kind of usual retreat every year when we go over the crossway to visit our "friendly" neighbour. With my friends, it was the first time ever travelling with good friends and though I'm not sure if there will be another time, the good time spent in a foreign land will be strongly cherished.

There was so much condensed into these 10 days, I honestly don't know how to begin. In any case, there was nothing much in KL. I'm starting to get bored of the routine every year, when we go to the usual Pavilion, KLCC and so on. Perhaps if my parents strike lottery next year, we could visit Taiwan again like 5 years ago. But to save the disappointment, there were some pretty good sales going on in the town's mall. I bought a couple of stuff that I was quite satisfied with, like the shirt from Fred Perry and Zara (both of which were on discount), and a shoe from Zara which was cheaper due to the relatively stronger Singapore dollar. Not to forget the new hotel that we stayed in. Since it recently constructed, it was on some promotion to promote itself and we paid the price of 1 room for 2 rooms and the rooms are really 5 star standard and new, so imagine how awesome is that.

At the end of the 4 days, I returned to Singapore for a day break before leaving for Taipei, Taiwan. 5 days in Taiwan is seriously insufficient, but too bad I realised it too late. Fuck myself for this, in all honesty. Progressively after booking the tour from Natas Fair, I realised more and more mistakes being made. The first mistake I realised, was that the package could be slightly cheaper if I had gone straight to the airline and hotel to book the tickets and lodging. Next, I realised 5 days is too short to comfortably visit Taiwan without having to rush around and compact so many programmes in a short span over 3 days, since the 1st and last day were pretty much spent on travelling and to and back from Singapore and Taiwan. But tickets were already booked, and even though adjustments can be made, we need to top up with extra cash and I was unsure if my other friends are willing to accomodate to that. Lastly, I realise how it would have been much better to just stay in the hostel. Afterall, we only had one night of proper rest, while the other nights were spent at KTV, clubbing, and the last night we left early to check out because we were on an early flight. These mistakes took 1k to learn.

I'm really excited about visiting the place again, and I already got some plans in mind. I think it's of paramount importance to rope in people will similar interest and motives to visit a place overseas with you or else undesired conflicts may occur from time to time. My plan, is to go budget. I'll stay in a 20 dollars per night hostel, I'll limit my purchase on gifts and shopping for myself as much as possible, and I'll only spend on food, transport and entrance payments to visit those places of interest. My calculation shows me these few will not cost me so much. Because during the 3 days in Taipei, I'd have spent an average of at most 50 bucks per day if not for all the unnecessary items that I bought for myself. I still think it's quite a waste we didn't manage to cover some other places and that would have been more possible if we've stayed at hostel and use the money save to make this a longer trip. Perhaps for the next trip, I'll definitely keep this in mind.

Anyone interested in such a trip? Please let me know. Occasionally, I wonder how it's like to travel alone. I've tried going out alone, watching a movie alone, and I think the next "big" thing for me is to travel alone. I'd, if I cannot find anyone else to go with me. Nonetheless, all these might only be possible if I can get a proper job and start saving up before university term starts. Sometimes, I like being alone, and that's the way I am. Because when you're alone, there's no other restrictions except yourself.

Merry Xmas and A Happy New Year everyone!

Shake up Christmas!! :D

When I can't get what I want, everything else just feels the same to me.

2010-12-06T22:13:00.004+08:00

The stack of letters from NUS is still lying on my desk, barely touched, just taken out to take a quick glance. The deadline for submission is the coming Monday, but I really don't have the mood. In a way, i'm down on morale and I don't really care about my university admission anymore. When I cannot get what i want, everything else just feels the same to me. I'm not trying to sound cocky here, but even if I don't accept the place now, I'm sure I can at least settle for some crappy lame course with my grades. I know I can get a place in university, and that is enough for me to know and feel secure. Note that feeling secure and satisfied are two entirely different entities. I feel secure because I know i can graduate with a degree in a few years to come, but i'm far from satisfied because I didn't get what I want. I know i'm not in a position to whine so much, but please bear with me because whatever that has motivated me to endure the tough 'A's turned out to be the unattainable eventually. It feels like working so hard for nothing. Now that almost all is lost, I don't really care. At the very most I'll just apply again next year.

By the way, I'm on a camp spree. If everything goes according to schedule, I'd have done 9 camps over a period of 1 month and I'll be netting home close to 1k in paycheck. I still haven't got the feel of earning at least 1k in a month. Unlike the officers while serving national service, my mere 500 allowance is nothing close. Saving becomes an issue when there's not enough to spend. I'm kinda looking forward to my paycheck, perhaps I should get something to reward myself, and perhaps treat my family to a simple meal. Totally feels good to have 1k without having to feed anybody but myself. I'll just be patient and wait. I haven't been spending much lately because I've been busy and occupied with work, so that's a good thing. I've decided to cut down on my expenditures on toys, because after much considerations they don't seem to be worth that price. I should use the spare cash to get myself some good clothes and accessories. The last watch i bought was years ago. My wallet looks torn and tattered. My ugly black army specs is 2 years ago with damaged lens. Seriously, the money will be better off used to groom myself physically. Anyway, I'm facing a lack of space for displaying my toys. I've got quite a number of large figures kept in the cupboard because my 2 display cabinet is not huge enough to fit them all in. So yeah, that'll be all, I'll end my complain here.

Having fun

2010-12-03T22:10:00.003+08:00

Hello everyone. It's the month of december and we're approaching the end of yet another year. It doesn't feel any special, but there's a tinge of bitterness knowing I've lived for another year on this wonderful planet. So christmas is coming and I really want to share my favourite christmas "carol" with everyone. These songs appeared many years ago and to date it still remains popular and you hear them being played on the radio and in malls in the month of december. They never fail to lift the christmas and year mood at the end of the year. At the end of this post, you'll see Mariah Carey's All I want for Christmas is You and Destiny Child's 8 Days of Christmas and I hope you guys like it as much as I do.

The past couple of weeks have been hectic. I was busy with work and even though it's meant to be casual and part time, I had myself almost working on every alternate days. My current employment status is unstable. Jobs at Suntec come as random as lottery strikes, while the camps at Underwater World has reach its peak during the holiday period so it's a spree for someone like me who has ample of time to spare before I look for a real and proper job when the new year arrives. It coincides with the fact that when school reopens, there'll be lesser camp opportunites for me so I should be looking at other avenues to maintain my income. Luck hasn't been on my side. I sent out ample job applications and resume to the many hospitals that I can find in Singapore, but has yet to receive a single phone call. This is a stark response to the feedback I get when i applied to HPB as for that one single job application I got a call from their human resource department the very next day.

More camps to come this sunday and the following wednesday. I'm still steps away from the what I expect of myself but I believe with more camps bring more experience and very soon I'll reach my peak, only to find myself out of camps when 2011 begins. Anyway, I've already done 4 camps in total and so far so good I'll say. It was definitely an experience and I'm relieved to know the participants enjoyed themselves because likewise I did though there were moments when I'm more worried about my presentations than having fun. It's nice to make friends after every camp. It's nice to meet new people. The staff there are a relatively friendly lot. So honestly, there's really nothing much to complain about a job there. On top of that, the pay is competitive so all it's good. I just have to improve myself verbally so that I'll feel more confident. How about another 3 more camps after my holidays to end the year? I'll definitely consider if schedule permits. Happy holidays everyone!

Read a Book

2010-11-24T22:23:00.002+08:00

Like finally, i'm at last done with the book I've been in the process of completing for months. Even though i like to read and be enriched mentally, i'm occasionally turned off by the means to finish the book. For example, a thick book is heavy and inconvenient to bring around, hence i usually only read them when i'm home. In addition, heavy books are heavy and tires your hand easily as you hold on to them, therefore i usually hold on to them for a short while before i take a short break and continue after that. Usually, the short break extends, and I'll continue after a long while, therefore i take a uber long time to finish the book. Lastly, thick books with small words usually demoralise the reader because the sense of accomplishment is very little per unit time, therefore it feels like I'm progressing very slowly and sometimes i give up on that book after some time. Honestly, i feel the top problem lies with me and not the book. I tend to have the habit of savouring every word on the page, so i take a long time. Perhaps my grasp of english got a small part to play too, because my proficiency has yet to hit my expectations.

Anyway, I've just been through my first camp at underwater world. It was awesome, whole heartedly. I can't wait for the next camp, though I have reservations on certain issues like my ability to perform of what's required. I hope I'm good enough. :)

By the way, I updated my recent book on the sidebar.. Just to give myself a sense of accomplishment. Haha. Another book to go to go on par with last year target. I've 3 borrowed books from the library, the only thing now is to find some time.

I see you see I see you?

2010-11-17T17:39:00.004+08:00

Okay, i initially didn't want to blog about this, but i found it far too amazing to contain so I'll just say it here. However, i'll have to be extra careful and sensitive here because it involves a particular race, and i don't want to be sent to jail for racial discimination. I emphasise, i have no intention of degrading any race, or send a prejudice message against them. Rather, I simply wish to elaborate about an encounter I had just a few hours ago.

It seems like one simply act can start a series of unpleasant repercussions. So the story goes, I was standing near the exit on the bus of 302. The bus was still some distance away from the next stop, but already this dude started to stand up and come close to the exit. And mind you, I hope you take note of that fact that this guy is probably twice my age and I'll say he'll probably be around the age of a typical dad with a teenage kid. The subsequent behaviour from this adult really left be disappointed. Perhaps I was listening to my MP3 and couldn't hear him, but I doubt he said excuse me to allow him to pass. Anyway, the bus has even yet to stop. He, maybe being a typical Kiasu minority group of Singaporean, was eager to exit. However, my arm, which was grabbing on the pole, might have blocked his path. So he stared hard at me, I couldn't be bothered.

When the bus stopped and before the door opened, I move aside to allow him to pass. He exited, stood at the front of the exit, and once again, stared at me. I couldn't be bothered. His group of family alighted and I suspected he might have conveyed some message to them. They, in turn, all stared at towards my direction with the strong signal from their look that gave the intention to challenge to a fight. I once again, couldn't be bothered. I didn't know what was he staring at, but my guess is he was looking at me, perhaps unhappy that I blocked his way before he alighted.

So when the door closed, the bus moved off, they continue staring. I found it amusing, because first and foremost, he couldn't do anything to me when the bus moved off, but to be helplessly looking on, I kinda felt that was quite pathetic. Secondly, he was looking at me, as though asking for a fight, but i couldn't even be bothered to look back at him, he must have felt quite insulted. I'm sorry. LOL. It's that kind of feeling when you are talking to someone who doesn't look back at you in the eyes. That's rude, but in instances like that I encountered, looking away is indeed the best way to get back at that hooligan, and to avoid any conflict. I'm particularly amused by such a behaviour, because i couldn't fanthom how he could have felt better by staring hard at me. Instead, i felt my actions might have gotten back at him and pissed him off to a higher level. Yet, because i didn't retaliate in any way physically, there was no proper reason for him to confront me. Essentially, at the point in time when the bus left, he was so pissed he wanted to do something to me but yet couldn't because i gave him no reason. On top of it all, that day happened to be Hari Raya Haji and why does he want to spoil his special day by threatenting to get into a fight? It simply doesn't make sense to me. It's just like the Chinese's beliefs to avoid anything negative or unpleasant on Chinese New Year.

In the end, I felt like I was the safe winner emerging from this saga.

Therefore, to avoid conflict like this, I think the best step to take is to look away. You have nothing to lose, no ego to care about (especially towards hooligans like this). These people instead, should be punished by the law. Especially when there's an instigation by an individual to force the entire group to initiate a fight towards another individual. I suppose racial congregation for unlawful purposes can be punished. I hope they can be more clearly defined to punish hooligans like this. At a time like now when people gather in gangs/groups to cause disharmony among Singaporeans and threaten the safety of citizens, the police and government ought to step in to ensure everyone makes in an effort to maintain the peace we had all along.

Peace out-

Fate & Destiny

2010-11-14T14:38:00.004+08:00

Over the weekends, I was working at Suntect City as a banquet staff and helping out on serving the meals for 2 big companies's Dinner & Dance. The experience has got me thinking quite a bit, especially on how fate and destiny can bring people from all walks of life together just to fulfill one common goal for that night, which is to be of service to all the guest at the dinner. I was thinking, to be in same team, and to be working in the same pair must have been the work of fate. Fate is something so random and mystifying. There's no explanation more than luck and coincidence. On the first night, I was paired up with this Malay dude. He is only 16, but surprisingly I took instructions from him because he had 2 prior experience before that day. I counted myself fortunate because it was my first time, and i had him guiding me the ropes and ensuring my first experience was nothing as bad as a screw up. Thanks to him, everything went smoothly. After 11pm, we went our seperate ways. There might be no way i'd be seeing him again, unless fate works it's wonders once more, but anyway, thank you for your help.

Yesterday, I was with 2 other girls from Malaysia. Once again, I was thinking about fate, and destiny. We happened to be working together, because we were called to the same place by different agencies to fulfill this specific duty. We so happened to be in the same team, and luck has it that we'll be working together because when the table was assigned, we were side by side each other along the queue. Had any of these factors be different, there'll be no way I'll ever get to know these 2 friends. The friends i made over the course of these 2 days made me more appreciative of fate and destiny, something we commonly overlooked in the course of our life. Had it not been for them, I doubt I'll get to make these new friends. It might turn out differently, I may make other new friends, for better or worse, but then it'll different people of different character and attitude.

Personally, i find myself as a rather reserved person. I rarely take the initiative to talk to a fellow crew member. Perhaps I should work on that and maybe I'll be making more friends. But it's something that it's inherent and hard to change. I got this wish to make friends with every single nice people that I've worked with, and talked to for the night, though I know that will be impossible and kinda strange. But the thought that i might not see these people anymore really makes me still want to keep in contact with them again.

I think working in Suntec for these type of big scale D & D events is slightly different from working as a F&B staff crew in a hotel and restaurant. The people you meet changes with every event. The people you'll team up with changes with every different day. The leader you work under changes with the team. Essentially, nothing will stay the same for every different day. This has made every experience a unique and special one in my heart. While the guest enjoy their meals, i think every service crew has something to take a way as well. The ambience of the event, the guest you'll be serving, the crew you'll be working with only stays that way for that particular day, and these memories will stay with me for a very long time. Honestly speaking, I enjoyed myself and I'll be back again for as many more times as I can. I look forward to another special experience during the next event. :)

Carcrashes

2010-11-09T19:40:00.002+08:00

My last driving lesson nearly turned into a nightmare. For the first time, i was dreading for the lesson to end as soon as possible. I've told a few about it, but i think i will say it again here. Oh, and it doesn't help that my car stalled once this lesson. Though it didn't happen on a major road, and i kinda can forgive myself for it because my instructor told me to release more clutch when i already felt it was enough. Okay, perhaps enough of finding excuses.

Anyway, this was what happened. We were bus carpark, or a buspark if there's such a word. Essentially, it's a place where all the big vehicles park at the end of the day and majority of it are buses. But in the day, most of these vehicles were out on the road, so it was pretty empty at the time i was there. I was making round after round in the carpark, practising on my turning when I was told to slow down and stop after this bus which was stationary and i assumed, parked. Who knows, as I was cruising pass this vehicle, at that instant when the back of the bus was beside the side door of the car on the left, the bus started reversing. At that point in time, i wasn't aware because my attention was on the front, and it was clear so it seemed normal. But my instructor panicked. He started gibbering. I was stunned. I turned my vision to the left and i saw the bus reversing towards the left side door. What the fuck.... A second later, we were away, unharmed. During that second, he maneuvered my steering wheel.

Subsequently, he kinda like chided me for not accelerating. And he went on to say we could have gotten killed blah blah.. Fuck this, it wasn't my fault at all. Anyone who's reversing should have made sure that the back is clear before doing so. In addition, at my position, which is at the side of the bus, there's no way i could have avoided this. Do note that I only have 5 lessons worth of experience. Fucking bus drivers. Damn it. I mean i could have accelerated, but a second ago you just told me to slow down. My mind's not fast enough to process the change, I'm barely road ready. What an unlucky day. Later on when i was at a T junction, I slowed down because this Taxi driver was about to make a right turn on my left. I never trusted Taxi drivers, because i'm sure they won't obey the right of way. Once again, my instructor told me to speed up, I did so, and the Taxi turned in front of me and nearly collided at the right front side of the car. Fucking taxi drivers, they never change.

2 bad encounters on a single lesson is sufficient for me to view future driving lessons in a different light, definitely not as fun as it seems anymore.

What comes next??? (Part 2)

2010-11-07T11:36:00.003+08:00

Anyway, just let me say this before my inspiration runs out and my mind goes blank. I've kinda figured out from the way i blogged, that if within the first 15 minutes i fail to come up with a proper paragraph, I'd most likely never come up with a proper post for that one single attempt and the post will likely end up screwed and backspaced and deleted.

Alright, so here i am again, for a part 2. I sincerely felt that whatever that was written yesterday deserved continuation, and further elaboration. Afterall, it's like summing up the entire next 8-9 months of my life before university begins, and definitely 1 post is less than comprehensive. By the way, yesterday post was written with greater hindsight, like my plans in the long run. In the economics term, this can be compared to Macroeconomics and Microeconomics. Yesterday was Macro, and today's post will be mico and be describing about my plans on a day to day basis. Afterall, i need to fix a new routine. That's the bad thing about the army. It instills so much of the routine instinct in you.

Honestly, i don't know what i've done for the past one month while i'm on off and leave before i ORD. Time just passed so fast, and i felt like i had barely done anything. So the following will be my plans for the next few months, which will seem more like a weekly cycle of routine. Once again, any feedback or criticism will be seen in good faith. So i kinda like promised myself i will hit and gym and the pool at least once a week, and i'm quite pleased with myself i actually met that target. I'm glad i manage to keep myself in shape (by my standards) for the past one year though i was doing some crappy adminstrative work that require little or no physical exhaustion. I felt that it boils down to my own personal discipline to exercise regularly without finding excuses for myself to procrastinate or to delay. A pat on the back for myself. And I will keep this going for as long as I can, definitely till university begins at the very least. I cannot lose out too much to my other combatants counterparts.

I think my tuition assignments are going in a downhill direction. I'm like starting to "lose" assignments after taking them up. The sec 3 girl that i was tutoring has yet to get back to me on the possibility of future tuition lessons. The J2 girl will most probably stop after 4 lessons because A level is starting in a few days time. The P4 kids will be likely to carry on, but the pay is kind of demoralising because every 4 lessons only gives me $132, and i have to sacrifice my friday night. Not very worth it, but a promise's a promise so i'll hold on to that. Anyway, all these tuition that used to occupy my every other day for the past 2 months have kinda vapourise into thin air at this current moment. Perhaps, that's the signal to head towards part time job instead. I'll see.

How can i forget the the one lesson i look forward to every week. Driving lessons are serious the sex and it gets me real high and excited. Every lesson i learn something new, and i like it that as i progress with each lesson, i become a better driver and i can't wait to compare myself on lesson 20 (with a L plate) and on lesson 1 and see how close i am to getting my lisence. It's awesome and it's the one thing worth looking forward to every single week. And it comes with a reward of a cool class 3 lisence at the very end. No doubt i'll pass, the question is only with how many tries. I try to set a standard for myself every lesson, that as far as possible i'll prevent myself for letting the car stall. It's like a challenge during every lesson to better myself. So as of now, i stalled once out of the four lesson i've gone through. Way to go. :)

Lastly, besides giving tuition, i've found another way to keep my brain juices active. I've signed up for a module of online lessons from NTU on life sciences. I'll have 3 months to complete this, and i'll try to finish it within this month when i have little commitments. The 3 months duration gives ample room for procrastination, but no it won't happen to me. Hopefully this will boost my portfolio. The extent does not really matter because i believe every small effort collectively adds up to something significant. And the book i'm currently reading is taking way too long as well. I'll get it done by this week, hopefully.

So if there's any new addition to my current routine, my blog will be the first to be updated. Do check back once in awhile. Cheers!

What comes next???

2010-11-07T01:48:00.006+08:00

Okay, so what's next? Right now, I couldn't sleep and so here I am on on blogger.com. I lay the blame for my insomnia on my afternoon nap. I kinda hate how it screws up my body clock because it's not that i chose to sleep in the afternoon when i could have done something better when the sun is up and everything's going good. Compare this time and that when it's late at night, everyone's tired on MSN or that they've gone to bed and shops have closed. Honestly, tell me when is it better to do something productive or meaningful or enjoyable? Perhaps if hitting the clubs was the first thing that came to your head, then I'll say you belong to the special group who will pick the not so popular choice.

Okay, so really, what's next? In case for some of you who haven't notice, I've just ORD. What this means is, I'm operationally ready. If you ask me, the term is pure scary. It kinda pre-empts you to prepare for a war. Like you know, you're ready any time when the enemies strike. It's another way to put you on 24/7 standby for the rest of the next 10 years till you go into the Mindef Reserve (MR). Even MR doesn't sound so good. Let's say there's a war between SG and our beloved neighbour and we exhausted the ORD guys, the MR guys will come next. Essentially, once you enlist, you have to subscribe your life to the army for life. No joke. Alright, so let's not be so negative, afterall ORD is a joyous occasion worth celebrating, at least to the opinion of some. So again, i asked myself what's next?

You see, the reason why i keep asking and later go on to talk about some other crap, is that in fact i've never really found a concrete answer. God knows what's next, but he's not telling. I guess it's all up to me to truly decipher this mystery. So here's my plans, any feedback will be deeply appreciated.

You see, the first thing that occurs to me after knowing i am going to ORD is, will i get my next pay. It sucks when you know you suddenly stop getting allowance. That's like an abrupt end to the routine you've been so used to for the past 2 years. Thank god, i'm giving tuition so i think the few hundred can still tide me over temporarily. I was comtemplating whether or not to take a temporary job till i go on holiday next month. I'm still deciding actually, if i get a good deal i may just sign up on it. Deep down, i know i really deserve a break, but when boredom hits the fan and comes crashing down on you hour after hour, day by day, you know such a cycle cannot last forever. You need to keep the cash flowing and the only way to kick start this is to get some work doing. So i'll see what comes the next few days.

Come middle of december, it'll be reward time. Pardon me once again, but it's a well deserved trip after 2 years of crap and shit. I'm spending the 5 days with my good pals, so i'm really looking forward to this. And when I come back, i'll have 2 weeks till the new year starts. This 2 weeks are really precious, because i'll try and set a record for myself by trying to get myself employed with just 2 weeks. This cannot screw up, because i need the cash for my studies, and i need a good employment to build up my portfolio for medical school just in case.

God bless me and i hope things turn out fine, I'll update again soon.

In the meanwhile, enjoy the holidays. :)

Twitter

2010-10-26T18:25:00.002+08:00

Hi,

If you tweet, please follow me @ twitter.com/sean_chua

:)

Teach and be Taught

2010-10-22T22:27:00.004+08:00

Periodically, I'll feel guilty for leaving my blog isolated for awhile and therefore i'll be back to post something. Currently, i'd prefer to voice my thoughts on twitter instead of blogging because the former allows me to be more ambigious without being too offensive towards any individuals.

Perhaps, this might be my last post, with any mentions of the SAF, the army, and as a whole National Service as an entity. I haven't forget the need for reservice, but i'm assuming it might not be coming any time soon, so i'll might as well leave it all the back of my head. And so i've heard from the medics, anyone who has temporary downgraded medically for more than 3 times, 3 inclusive, will have his temporary status made permanent. I don't know how true is this, but i seriously hope this is true because i just saw my specialist yesterday, and he wrote me my third letter requesting for downgrade. In other words, i had been previously downgraded twice. It'd be totally awesome if i could stay at PES E9L9 permanently because having your vocation as a clerk will highly minimise your chance of a call back, totally eliminating the need even for IPPT and RT.

However, i don't know if i should happy or sad with the poor prognosis given by the doctor. Apparently, my left leg got better but my right leg worsened after 2 years since the condition was discovered. Essentially, i still have it on both legs, but the severity of the injury have swopped legs. The Doc banned me from any running or lower limb exercise. Like seriously,he gave me a stern warning. What the fuck. I spent so much time building up my stamina since my previous injury only to have it all come to naught once again. Damn it. I envision myself dropping in stamina, and forming the wonderful belly that symbolises every old man. No, fuck, i cannot let this happen. I can still swim and do my upper body exercises. Swimming may be troublesome, but that's just an excuse. It's the only few full body cardio exercise that i'm capable of after running is strike off the list. I'm going to adhere strictly to my new exercise regime, which i'll come up with soon.

Sometimes, i think i can be quite indecisive. Not entirely, but i require some time to think before i can arrive at the best possible solution. Recently, i sent a request for a job at Health Promotion Board for an admin job. Even though i stated that i can only start work in 2011, i was informed of a temporary job. It was quite tempting, because it fit nicely into the period after i ORD and before i go on holiday. But after giving serious consideration, i think it's not worth it. First and foremost, the pay is low and there's even contribution to CPF. Secondly, i think i deserve a break, especially since i haven't had any after i completed my 'A' levels. Thirdly, i have other commitments. I have to fulfill the tuitions and the other plans i set for myself in the one month i've initially given myself after i ORD. I thought i was answerable to HPB, but since they didn't call back i guess they've given up on me so i won't care that much either.

Anyway, my 3rd driving lesson will be on tuesday and i'm so looking forward to it. I'm kinda glad i chose private driving to school driving lessons. Cost is the primary consideration, but private driving instructors are also more willing to let you try something new despite the lack of assurance. For example, my instructor allowed me on the road on the 2nd lesson even though i've just learned how to change the gear moments ago. Compare this with those fellows learning in school who have to go through several lessons in the circuit. Seriously, it was totally awesome on the road. My car didn't stall, and i sincerely hope it doesn't in the subsequent lessons as well. I'm getting better at half-clutch, and i honestly think i'm a quite a safe driver. I wasn't taught yet but i still look for blind spot and the rear mirror, though i got chided by my instructor for trying to be Geh Kiang. He say focus on the road and just look straight ahead for now. LOL.

So that pretty much sums up my last week, more to come soon when i've the time. Have a good weekend! :)

Life sucks!

2010-10-12T22:05:00.004+08:00

I'm on leave, but why ain't i happy? That was my last tweet, a few minutes ago. Mark says twitter distances you away from blogger, but i hope i can prove him wrong. Haha. Anyway, i think i think it has been some time since i wrote something here, so now it's time.

Lately, I've been hooked onto twitter, for the reason of its convenience. Be it anger, happiness, jealousy or any other emotions, it's so easy to express it on the twitter's platform. It can be easily accessed through the web or iPhone. Furthermore, the character limits make it even faster to summarise your points, yet still allow you to vent it out. I sound so much like promoting for twitter. But as the saying goes, you won't know how good till you experience it. If you have the time, no harm trying. And you can follow me. :)

Okay, so back to my first sentence in this post, I'm not happy and I don't know why. I sometimes think life fucking sucks. I'm on leave and off, i should be enjoying. I am approaching the end of my NS liability, i should be happy. I will out soon earning more than the petty hundreds i get in SAF, I should be yearning for that. I will be going on a holiday trip with my friends, I should be looking forward. There's so many reasons to feel good, but why the fuck am i still so unhappy?

Some people say this is the ORD syndrome. Because when you ORD, you'll suddenly feel a sense of lost. A lost in regimentation. A disconnection from a place you once felt familiar because of its routine. However, there's not the case for me. There's other stuff bothering me. I think one of my weakness is allowing minor things to bother me. I give too much consideration into external criticism, which should be beyond necessary. I need to overcome this, it's nothing compared to the failure and rejection i once faced.

Perhaps, one of the best remedy is to distract myself. I feel utilised this time round, when i compared now with the 42 days MC i had. Maybe it's because the problem i am facing now isn't as severe as what i had once encountered. I've been out most of the days on leave. Tomorrow i'll be visiting the dentist and probably watch a movie or visit the pool, depending on the weather condition. On thursday, i'll go back to camp to do my FFI after my first ever driving lesson. I'm rather excited about hitting the road on the driver's seat. I hope it'll be an enjoyable first experience. I hope i'll be occupied till next year when i find myself a job.

Go for it!!

2010-10-04T19:00:00.002+08:00

Hi! I've just made a milestone recently because i learnt how to use twitter more properly. Previously, i created twitter because it is the few apps that my ZuneHD supports, but now that i got one good friend who tweets too, i think i should tweet!! (or is it twit?)

Today is the start of a long break, and i feel this week will be better accomplished after a failed and boring one last week. Mainly because, there's a couple of stuff lined up in the following days and i think i will be out some of the time, at least it keeps my mind off from bullshit that occur to me when i'm feeling restless at home.

By the way, i just want to let "you" (if you read this, though unlikely) know, don't give up just yet, no matter what. Time may be short, you may screw it up this time round, but it's not the end. Utilise every resource that you have now, it's never too late if you begin from now. Start studying now, do your best from now till the end of the exams and you'll have lesser regrets! Oh, and more importantly, believe in yourself that you can do it. Good luck :)

Doing, not Idling.

2010-09-29T11:06:00.002+08:00

Occasional breaks in the middle of a very busy period will be a better idea as compared to having a long break after a very busy period.

After spending 3 days at home while on leave, spending most of my time doing nothing and everything unproductive, I'd say i rather be at work doing something useful. The overwhelming of free time is antagonising. It very much feels the same while i'm on 42 days medical leave last year. Coincidentally, free times are usually the period when my thoughts run wild and i start to feel emotional because my mind goes wondering about stuff.

I wouldn't say i haven't done much, but i could have done more. Besides tuition, it's preparation, and BTT today, i spent more of my free time online. Doing not so useful reading, and just hanging around facebook, which is somewhat a waste of time yet has become a habit i find hard to kick.

Shit, and not to mention i have approximately a one day work week for the subsequent weeks till i ORD on 4 Nov 2010. I actually felt like going back to camp to see my friends instead of idling at home, but i don't see the point in benefiting the organisation which hasn't exactly treated me well. But for my friends, it may be worth considering.

I need some motivation. I shall not be dragged down my distraction and demoralisation. I need to source for a job. I need to prepare for my university application. I need to plan for my taiwan trip in december. I need to start learning driving. And, i will do it!!!

For The First Time

2010-09-29T10:17:00.001+08:00

She's all layed up in bed with a broken heart
While I'm drinkin jack all alone in my local bar
And we don't know how
How we got into this mad situation,
Only doing things out of frustration
Trying to make things work
But man this times are hard

She needs me now but i can't see to find the time
I got a new job now in the unemployment line
And we don't know how
How we got into this mess is a God's test
Someone help us coz we are doing our best

Trying to make things work
But man this times are hard
But we are gonna stop by drinking all cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we have'nt for a while
A while...yeah
Your smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we meeting
For the first time...Ouuhhhhhh
Ouhhhh...
Ouhhhh...

She's in line at the door with her head held high
We'll I just lost my job but did'nt lose my pride
And we both know how..
How we're gonna make it work when it hurts
When you pick yourself up you get kicked to the dirt

Trying to make things work
But man this times are hard
But we are gonna stop by drinking all cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we have'nt for a while
A while...yeah
Your smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we meeting
For the first time...Ouuhhhhhh
Ouhhhh...
Ouhhhh...

Yeah...thinking on cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we have'nt for a while
Your smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we meeting
For the first time
Ouhhhh...
For the first time
Ouhhhh...
For the first time
Ouhhhh...
For the first time
Just now got the feeling that we meeting

Oh these times are hard
They end up making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby...

Oh these times are hard
They end up making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby...

Oh these times are hard
They end up making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby...

Oh these times are hard
They end up making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby...

- The Script

Don't Judge Me

2010-09-28T10:37:00.004+08:00

A couple of days ago, my friend told me of this quote which i thought was meaningful. It says, " Before you start to judge me, remember this; you don't know me, you don't know what i've been through. You have no idea what made me who i am today."

I think it's human nature to be judgemental at times, so am I. I remember on several occasions when i saw this person for the first time, i thought he/she had a fuck face and that person most likely could be equally fucked up. That person approached me and tried to strike a friendly conversation. I was wrong. On another occasion, this person whom i first met did something very stupid and idiotic in front me at the very moment i paid noticed to him/her. I thought he/she was fucked up. Subsequently we knew each other better, i realised he/she was actually a nice person. I was wrong again.

I know first impression counts, but it's not wise to be judgemental, you may just miss out on making friends with a really nice person.

L.O.V.E

2010-09-24T20:35:00.004+08:00

You know what, recently i have been thinking about love. Love is in the air everyday, be it within the family or among friends, but how often have we actually wondered what it really means? Even though i had a busy week at division, i found occasional time within breaks or at home to think about this seemingly simple yet complex part of human beings and our life.

There are many philosophies and theories with regards to different aspects of love, and truth be told, there is so much discussed that i don't know where to begin from. So, what do guys look for in girls and what do girls look for in guys? Some may think it all boils down to looks. But i disagree. Perhaps because i am ugly? Haha. Okay, to be honest, i think there's alot of factors coming into play. I feel looks give the first impression, and if it complements well with a personality, you immediately turn into an eye candy. If you are not, don't fret because it's not all about looks.

Have you wondered why some fat ugly guys get to be together with those hot pretty girls? Usually, it's either because that fat ass has the cash, or he has the personality. Some people don't believe personality means so much. But look around, the guys with the most female friends may not necessarily be the best looking. Rather, it is because he has the personality and character to make girls feel comfortable communicating with him. And i'll say, love could blossom from there. What kinda guys do girls feel less comfortable to be around? In my opinion, guys that stare so hard at girls, as though their boobs will spill and underwear will drop after 5s of intensive fixation on them. In other words, pervertic guys. I well might just have the best example in camp.

I don't believe in online dating, because girls who date guys from online have some serious problems with them, and likewise for guys who date girls online. Either, they're losers in real life, or they have such an amazing life spending most of their time at home, online. Okay, i'm generalising, but i think this is true to a certain extent. However, online is still an avenue to make friends and i'm comfortable with that idea, but skeptical it may progress anywhere beyond that.

Some say guys look for the looks in girls, while girls look for the style aka personality in guys. Perhaps? That is why girls do makeup, and guys "style" their hair. In other words, girls use makeup to beautify themselves. Guys style their hair to show a kind of character of themselves, be it cool, hagged or whatever. Guys don't do makeup because that isn't what majority of girls look for in guys. That is simply my deduction, may be right or may not be. I think guys and girls have different needs, therefore they look for different factors when selecting the opposite sex. They have different priorities. For girls, the factor of care and thoughtfulness may rank one but that of guy belongs to the look factor. It's anyone's bet.

I think love is so complex, and the more i think the more depressed and emotional i get. I hope i get out of this. Let there be no love, and no more headaches. :)

I just wasn't important enough for you to make some sacrifices

2010-09-18T12:36:00.006+08:00

.

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t

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i

n

g

.

That's what i am

I Think I Know Now

2010-09-12T13:16:00.003+08:00

Perhaps, today could be the last day when i can blog without feeling limited by time constraint. When i'm blogging on non duty days, i feel quite hard up on time. It is as though i could have put the time spent on blogging to better use. I know this is not the case, but it just happens and i find it hard to to feel relax as i pen down my thoughts here. This defeats the purpose of posting anything here if i cannot organise my thoughts well.

So as i was saying, today might just be the last day because i am less than 2 months left till ORD and i should not be having any duty for the next month. That is the ideal case, but i'm not pinning my hopes too high afterall i should not even be given any duty for this month for the best soldier thing. However, that is not to say i'll disappear entirely from here. I'm sure I can find some time, hopefully in the right mood to share some things here.

Anyway, i just landed myself a first tuition assignment. It has only been the first lesson, and i'm starting to feel the stress and pressure to perform. Because my tutee are primary school kids, i feel answerable to the parents too, where the duty of the child to do well do not lie entirely on just the kids. Perhaps kids nowadays are quite spoiled, and parents feel they have a substantial part to play in ensuring continuity in their child's education. Or it might just be that those kids are too young to understand the importance of excelling in their studies. However, life isn't entirely about scoring those top grades..

Today duty just suck. In fact, the 2 duties for this month sucked. On both days, i reported in the early wee hours. Pure unlucky i guess. I'm intending to utilise my day. I recovered some sleep by napping till 11am in the morning. So for the afternoon, i hope to prepare my tuition notes after finishing with this post. And maybe i can spent the night reading a book or logging onto MSN to reward myself. HaHa.

I just read this article on Yahoo which says studies and researches show that wealth beyond US$75,000 do not increase happiness level by much as compared to increases below that amount. I believe this is true and i totally with the arguments stated in the article. I remember coming across reports on how the poor can still be happy. With regards to that, i am alittle skeptical. It's hard to imagine an enjoyable life when you are poor and there are other considerations that you have to take care of. You worry for your child's education, you are afraid you do not have enough retirement fund, you are scared you do not have enough in case you fall ill, you hope that you have enough to live after deductions on your monthly salary to housing payment and so on and so forth.

I think US$75,000 is like the threshold amount. With that, i'm pretty confident you are able to lead a proper life and at the same time fulfill your material wants by occasionally pampering yourself with a few goodies of your liking. You are more likely to gain fulfillment when you make purchases because your expectations are lower and you less susceptible to immunity to satisfaction at a more basic level. To explain this further, let's say you are a rich kid who can afford a Ferrari. You are unlikely to give a shit if anyone in your family buys a Hyundai. When we compare this to a kid who's in a middle income family. He will be more than excited to try it out if say his parents bought a Proton. This whole concept is linked to one's mentality that is shaped over a long period of time by his external environment and it's not fair to put the blame on the rich too.

Therefore, my stance is a non excessive wealth is sufficient in making one lead a happy and fulfilling life. Happiness level attained beyond US$75,000 is linear with what you do with your life instead of cash. With that, i hope everyone of us can lead a blissful life if we know how to adjust our mindset accordingly.

Love, no love

2010-09-07T22:03:00.003+08:00

A friend of mine told me that during freshman orientation camp, there were so much physical contact between guys and girls and anyone who's in a relationship will most likely get their other half pissed if they know. How true, i wonder? I'm glad i'm still single and have little idea what is freshman camp all about. My innocent impression of one is the playing of stupid games and covering yourself in mud or seawater, doesn't sound too "dirty" and wrong eh?

Anyway, I think being in a relationship is tough. I've been through some ups and downs lately and it made me think further and more carefully about getting into one. Probably i wasn't mentally prepared, i still cannot give myself a definite answer. A part of me tells me that i won't make a good boyfriend. Another part of me says a relationship at this time will most likely end up in misery. Either way, it's filled with negativity and that explains the caution i took lately.

Maybe i'm just a coward. I'm not denying. Perhaps, i didn't have the courage to say my true feelings. Probably i didn't have the guts to take the first step out of my comfort zone. Likely, i didn't dare to make the first move. And a guy like me doesn't deserve to get the girl.

National Day Rally.

2010-09-03T19:58:00.005+08:00

Perhaps one of the most important speeches of the year, PM Lee gave the National Day rally at the end of last month.

Regardless of citizenship, PR or Singapore Citizen, regardless Pro PAP or not, i think it is the responsibility of every Singaporean to listen or read the National Day rally. By Singaporean, i mean every individual soul that reside in this island called Singapore. In my opinion, the National Day rally is one of the most interesting and insightful speech given by the government. The 2 hour long speech, or if you can finish reading the transcript in 10 minutes, is the effort and result of long hours of drafting and preparation. It is a speech written in hope of perfection, and that is one of the reason that makes it worth reading. More importantly, it keeps you abreast of the latest that is going on within the country and what is the government doing to correct the problems that the vast majority of Singaporean are facing. If you are an Economic student taking your 'A' level this year, it is definitely a must read.

I am amazed by the way the speech is presented to the audience. I wish i have the eloquency of the Prime Minister, and the ability to craft out such a wonder speech. No doubt was the speech not purely written by the PM himself, but to be able to select the more important issues in the country and address them appropriately is by no means an easy feat. Every line is carefully written and presented so that it appeals to the audience and address the key issues for the moment. Personally, by pure means of listening, it seems like the government is doing an excellent job. However, such a speech is a good piece for analysis and critical thinking. Not to mention the problems addressed is selective as certain issues are omitted for some reason. While we read or listen to what is said or written, we must evaluate the facts. We need to question statements, and infer the reasons why certain statements are being made in the speech. I believe in doing so, will we be clear headed in making a sound decision when the election comes.

One of the point that is of particular interest to me is the setting up of a 3rd medical school. Unfortunately for me, there was a mismatched of timing. I completed 'A' levels two years ago and back then, NUS was at the beginning stage of increasing the student intake from 250 to 300. The new school, due to start with 50 students in 2013 will gradually increase the number to 150. Perhaps it all came at the wrong time, maybe it wasn't mean to be. Occasionally, how i wish i was born a few years later and probably my fate would be different from now. If only the government could address our ageing population a few years early. If only they had the hindsight to forsee the problem earlier.

While every National Day rally may present seemingly good initiatives by the government, they are infallible and they make mistakes when implementing certain policies. PM Lee said our birth rate in 2009 was even lower than in 2008 despite policies change in the last rally to encourage procreation. It might be possible that the policy did not work. In other words, it could have been done better last year. A few years back, there were low occupancy rates for HDB flats and many new flats were left untaken. Tweaks were done and now, we are facing an overheating of HDB demands as the rich who could afford take up HDB flats on top of private property. Therefore, in this rally changes were made to allow Singaporeans without a flat of their own to own one soon. Of course, situation changes according to circumstances and if not for the improvement of economy, this might not have happened. No one can predict the next SARS outbreak or 911. However, the government should exercise caution when making drastic changes in policies in the future. Afterall, there are rooms for improvement in each organisation, and in every individuals. I hope Singapore, and it's citizen can scale to greater heights and meet the challenges to come.

Sum it up

2010-08-29T09:57:00.001+08:00

I know i have to post something. But i don't know what to say. This fucking feeling really suck.

Anyway, to sum up this week:

1. I regretted not attempting to volunteer for YOG.
2. I didn't manage to get my Merly plush toy.
3. I'm going to Malaysia and Taipei in Dec.

More importantly, i'm a week closer to ORD!!

Our Environment

2010-08-21T16:05:00.003+08:00

Every month i hope to average 8 post, but maybe this month i will be short of target. I felt as though i have lost track of time. I don't know whether it's better to be more free or more busy. When you're free, you get to do what you desire but somehow i feel it makes time pass slowly. When you're busy, you do shit in camp that may occasionally piss you off, but time pass more quickly and in a way fast forward your time closer to ORD. Heck, not like really care now because whether time pass fast or slow, 2 months plus isn't that a long time to wait for.

Don't we wish the things that we do can please everyone? Like you know, appease the opponents and please the proponents both at the same time. I think China may have just done that. Go back 5 years ago, China was making the headlines for the pollution they are creating. In the midst of growing their economy, they have used up a large amount of energy which created much harm to the environment. It might not be fair to them because at this current point in time, the pollutants have accumulated over many years. In the early days when the US and the other developed nations were doing the same stuff as China did now, few raised their eyebrow because the impact wasn't that bad to the environment yet. So while China is doing the same thing now, they have environmental conservatives complaining.

However, to their credit and brilliance, they have turned the tide and countered it with a move that may probably shut the critics and yet at the same time still help to bring their economy forward. China may have just overtaken Japan as the world's second largest economy, but they have also led the direction towards clean energy, ironically. In recent days, China has been actively involved in the manufacturing and production of environment friendly products like Solar Panel and Electric Cars. In the world, China is among the leading market with regards to such products on top of being a cheap labour market. I believe this may be the one of the wisest move that China can make, and i forsee this will keep China's market relevant in the years to come.

No one can predict the future. Only God knew how much an impact Information Technology had at the current point in time 20 years ago. But i am optimistic in the next few decades, Environmentally Safe products will be the "thing". In Singapore, the market is still small and we're still depending on the areas we had been good all these while. Perhaps it's time to move on. Because of these reasons, I will choose Environmental Engineering over other course if Medicine is not mine to grab. The current outlook for graduates in this course is rather poor and pessimistic you may be, but i am sure the future might just prove you wrong.

Hope

2010-08-09T17:25:00.002+08:00

Hope is an entity that is often overlooked. If you bother to look through my read list, you can infer that many of the books i read consist of elements of hope, and i will tell you hope is magical enough to tide me through the difficult times of the past 2 years.

I just finished this book titled The Anatomy of Hope. The book describes about how much hope can affect the chances of survival of patients with illness and how it serves to lead them en route to recovery. I found this idea rather relevant to my current feeling, just in a slightly different context. Just like how it serves to negate the ill effects of the disease that they are combating against, hope has allowed me to maintain my sanity and continue working towards my goal. I admit the past 2 years has been rather taxing mentally. Work is isolated within camp premises and i do not bring them home to stress myself further. Rather, it is the gloomy future that has been affecting me the most. However, whenever i read books on the themes of hope and resilience, i regain the strength to carry on.

It is indeed strange how hope can influence the brain into emitting natural hormones that work well against pain and can speed up recovery. While there are hardly much scientific evidence to back this up, it is undeniable that there's a certain connection which exist and is waiting to be further explored. Likewise in my situation, i believe hope had an impact on my mood and positivity. It feels like a cycle. Hope generates resilience and determination, which in turn provide more hope of the future. In this way, it makes me feel good about everyday in spite of the hurdles in life that i am currently facing. It remains much as a mystery as to exactly how it helps, but i firmly agree that it works in a certain unknown way.

I hope everyone has a hope for a better future. Hope is a natural healing to many kind of ills that we face in our everyday life. But do not be confused between false hope and the hope i'm referring to. As i quote the book, false hope ignores the circumstances and purely seeks to fulfill the endpoint in my mind. On the other hand, "hope" in my opinion is working your own way round the difficulties in life. It acknowledges the existence of pitholes, but it spreads the message that reaching the goal is still possible if we can maintain the positivity as we bypass every single obstacles.

As the saying goes, when there's a will, there's a way; and hope will bring us there!

Anatomy of Hope

2010-08-07T13:18:00.002+08:00

When people die, they progress into several stages before they acknowledge the full impact of cancer. I found these stages similar to what i experienced during my rejection by medical school, and i found it interesting to share it here.

The first level described by the book is denial. Like cancer patients who might go on to think that the diagnosis was wrong, I likewise thought there was something wrong with what i was given. I cannot believe i was rejected. I refused to, and i knew there was something wrong somewhere in the application and they have gotten the facts wrong.

Following behind denial is anger. After coming into realisation, cancer patient tend to feel angry at their plight. They may blame god, blame circumstances and on luck and everything possible that could have led them to where they are now, into the depth of no return. Then, i was angry too. I was angry because i felt i wasn't provided a fair opportunities as the girls who will matriculate the very same year or the guys who enlisted later. I knew those moments were crucial in preparing for the dictating interview into medical school.

Next is the stage of "bargaining". Regardless of religion, they usually do not go well with scientific facts and rational. Patients find themselve in the bargaining stage with what medical treatment has to offer and what they believe in. They have to settle for something that they feel can agree on both side. My perception of bargaining is to search for whatever opportunties left to squeeze the last hope out. I wrote an appeal letter, and i pray to god to be given a second chance.

When it seem like all else fails, depression sets in. Somewhat grasping the fact of the cancer in them, patients slowly start to accept the fact and they face depression in lieu of the gloomy future that lies ahead. All of a sudden after knowing of cancer, they have to understand their days are numbered and naturally that is not easy. When i received news of people being accepted and rejected, i somehow know the die is cast. I was depressed because i was rejected. I knew i was never going to make it locally.

Lastly, it's the progression into the final stage of hope. Hope, is the only thing that keeps on going even in the darkest times. The hope that things may eventually turn out positive. In the cancer patient, hope stands for overcoming adversities. Hope is to prove medical statistics wrong and for a miracle to happen. Hope in my terms was to be given the last chance of acceptance in the 2nd round when the last group of applicants receive they letter of acceptance. Most probably these letters are possible because of people who rejected the acceptance in the first round. Unfortunately, i never did receive them.

Stuck in the last stage i will always be till i see light.

iPhone 4 is here!!

2010-07-31T15:01:00.005+08:00

The only highlight to this screwed up week is the launch of iPhone 4 in Singapore on the 30th of July. Seriously, this week is so bad i rather not mention at all, i just hope it disappears from my memory in time to come.

Okay, the following will sound quite contraversial because of what i said about apple products in the past. However, my stand still stays and i still feel that their products are pretty overhyped but the undeniable fact is they are good. Therefore, i decided to take a day off on friday to queue for the iPhone 4. I'm not one of the crazy must get first maniac. My reason for queuing on a friday morning is due to a simple rational that i believe that is the best time to get the phone. The weekends is a definite no because of the crowd from the working adult. To get it over the next few weeks, you may risk having to wait for the subsequent batches. Since i have been waiting long enough for this, and we are already behind the US by about one month, i saw yesterday as the best time. The added incentive is i will be among the first few in Singapore to own one.

The iPhone is my safe bet after what happened to my Zune HD. I see it retiring in a few weeks time as the screen is slowly progressing into the unredeemable state. Percentage of screen damage is approximately 50%, and i shall leave it to you to figure out how much damage that is. After having the iPhone 4 for a day, disappointment starts to set in and i go back to agreeing it was overhyped. I will break down the good and bad of this phone.

The Good: The screen is awesome, even better than the Zune HD. Fuctionality is good, there is so much you can do with it provided you can find the right Apps to go with it. It has endless possiblities and that is what i liked about it. Currently, i am able to surf the net, read my PDF and listen to some good music at the same time all on the small iPhone and that is something i never experienced before on my Zune. Lastly, it has a good design and i like it more than the 3GS.

The Bad: One has to be prepared to pay to get those good Apps. On top of that, iTunes is the central portal for every data that goes into the Iphone and i hate this inflexibility. iTunes isn't easy to use and it does such a bad job in organising all my songs and i kinda gave up trying to arrange them nice i think sooner or later i will just dump the entire list i have into the iPhone regardless of the arrangement.

At the end of 2 days, that will be how i summarise this new gadget, hopefully i discover new capabilities of this phone soon so that may change my view of this phone for the better. These are the photos, till then.

What a week

2010-07-25T19:34:00.003+08:00

First and foremost, i'm putting an end to those endless bullshit comments that i get with every of my post. I'm using this "use test words" to eradicate spams, hopefully.

Secondly, i had one of the most awesome weekends in a very long time. It was so well spent i felt as though i utilised every single moment. I came back home on saturday morning because i had duty the day before. I took a short nap and went to West Coast Recreational Centre to play pool with Mark and Boo. Next, we went to Cdans for a game of bowling. Next, i went to Tea Party Cafe to meet up with JiaMin. Next, i met YouSheng and we had a good Kbox session at Lot 1 and i went home at 2am. After approximately 7 hours of sleep, i met YS again and we went to Chevrons to Suntan and swim. Lunch was at Hans Cafe and i met Mark later at Lot 1 to watch Despicable Me. I went back home after that to finish everything that's due including getting this post done.

Facebook is a good place to socialise virtually, but once in awhile it reminds you of the good fun that you have missed out on. Allow me to provide you with 2 examples. On the day of BPGHS 50th anniversary, i had duty so i couldn't attend. Actually i could, because a few others wanted to swop duties with me for their own personal reason, which may also benefit me. However, i was quite uncomfortable with changing of duty dates because i had set my mind on doing duty that friday. Alas, there is a tinge of regret now after seeing so many pictures being uploaded on facebook. I saw how those NCC cadets were enjoying yourself and reminiscing those good old memories and i felt that i should have been there. Darn. Right now as i'm typing out these words, someone on facebook is attending Jay Chou concert. He's fbing while waiting for the show to start. What a reminder that something fun is going on and you're not there!

Rain rain go away, come again another day!

2010-07-23T20:05:00.007+08:00

Lately, blogging has turned into a secondary affair and it's hard to spare time to blog. Honestly, time is short and we only live 24 hours a day. One way to prove is to look at how time flies when we get busy at work. Somehow, time seem to pass rather quick on a day by day basis but the countdown to ORD just feels longer than it should me. I have less than 4 more months to the day when i receive my pink IC, but i dread the days to come. Maybe, that is the reason which made the coming days feel like a drag. Some people say it is good to plan ahead, to forsee what may come and act accordingly. But whenever i think about the shit to come and how unavoidable they will be, i feel stressed out. Fuck, it feels like my entire branch depends on me. I shan't over estimate my worth, but it seems to me every shit that hits the fan goes through me first and i suffer part of the impact.

Okay, it is a friday, it's TGIF for some but today its the 3rd day of the month i am on duty. I will not complain of having excessive duties for this month as i'm quite pleased with the planning. At least they allow me to enjoy my world cup in peace before i start my duty, thanks, that is really appreciated. Sometimes i dread duty, but on the other hand it occasionally feels better than staying in office. At least while on duty, i do dumb stuff and i cannot be blamed and pressured to do anything more than my capacity as a COS. The only downside to this is having to stay in, and it so happens the days i like doing my duties are days there won't be anyone in camp in the night.

So for the past week, thing's haven't been exactly smooth for me and for the other people in Singapore. Flash floods are happening so frequently and i cannot help but sympathise with those affected. It's the loss of lifes that are most damaging. It is just so unfortunate some people have to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. What's the likelihood of be killed by a falling tree? My estimate is 0.000001%, ie almost impossible. I hope i don't die a horrible death in the future, if god willing please allow me to pass away peacefully in my sleep. The last thing i want is to die in pain. Some people lose money through gambling, while others are just plain 'Sueh' in my opinion. Look at those who made huge losses because of the flood. Overnight, everything is gone before they can do anything to remedy the situation. Acts of god are formidable indeed!

For those outdoor activist, the rain is literally dampening. I had plans to go swimming and for a jog. Alas, the rain is so unpredictable these days, it's so hard to match your schedule with those of the clouds. Therefore, it's easier to forgo those plans altogether and wait till the rainy seasons are over. Nonetheless, the rain is good because it has brought temperature down. Don't you agree that it always feel so comfortable sleeping on a rainy day? In fact, it is becoming cooler these few days and one can actually forgo the air-con. This good reason to switch off the generator will definitely help to save some bucks. Perhaps, we should plan our days according to the weather.. And during a rainy season like now, we should might as well just stay at home and chill under the cool weather. :)

Bored

2010-07-17T10:48:00.003+08:00

Today is another day at camp and i have a full 24 hours to complete my blog post. Basically, the things that i can do now is the same as that at home and the only difference is the location on top of an added bit of responsibility. I have so many sources of entertainment and i am spoilt for choices. In the enlistee mess there are: Wii, television set, pool table and a home comparable desktop. In my office there are: Sofa and a slower desktop. In my bag i have: PSP, book, magazine, mp3 and today's newspaper. I have no idea where i should start. However, if i can utilise every single source of entertainment, then i will consider today well spent and all rounded and comprehensive. Duty isn't that bad on a weekends actually, because there will be no one around to bark at you. How peaceful; just confined.

Unexpectedly, i failed yesterday's Basic Theory Test. Call me a loser of whatever, i accept that wholeheartedly. I failed and i cannot believe it. The agonizing part is not trying again. It is to know that BTT slots at BBDC are so packed and the next available retest comes only 2 months after. What a great way to add on the pain. I was definitely being too egoistic, cocky and arrogant. Someone in camp told me it was easy. After completing it in 15 minutes, i saw people leaving and i thought i was equally up to it. So, i didn't check and i submitted my results only to see that i have failed. Fuck myself, seriously, i honestly deserve this. He who learns his lesson will become a better person. Okay, so the remedy followup is to borrow a TYS for BTT. With this, there will be definitely no room for failure, and i will prove in 2 months time.

The whole of the past few weeks had been totally screwed up and I was so occupied with work in camp. I shall leave you out with the negative details. My life is so boring when in camp and i cannot think of anything special worth mentioning here. Neither are they anything interesting to share, I'll update if anything crosses my mind. -Peace-

Happiness Index +10

2010-07-10T20:26:00.004+08:00

I have a test coming up next week, and I feel so uncertain. The stats show that i haven't been studying for close to 2 years, so how well can it go? Let's not put things so seriously, because it ain't any entrance paper or IQ test to qualify me for any scholarship. It is my basic theory test, my stepping stone to driving a car in the future. Ahead, i forsee tougher test like advance theory test and the road traffic test. They make my BTT seem so easy. I hope i pass because a fail will mean i have to wait another 1-2 months for another try at it, therefore i hope it goes well. It's the freaking basic, there are no reason to fail!

The past week was probably one of the busiest so far. The irony is that my boss isn't around and i though i can have it easy.. But i guess i was wrong. The next week don't look any brighter. I won't have any free day except for thursday, and i have to use that 1 day to finish my work due for the week. Never mind, nothing in the army cannot wait. Afterall, it's rush to wait and wait to rush and i am sure a week's delay is still acceptable.

By the way, i had finally finished a book and i'm quite pleased with myself. Not really actually, because i took a few months to finish it. The book revolves round the NHS, somewhat like Singhealth but the UK version. Initially, i wanted to give up on the book because the content is some what foreign and based on policies overseas that i am not familiar with. However, i was halfway through and i hate the feeling of giving up on one halfway. Furthermore, the interesting part that i saw of the book was the discussion about the difficulty and weakness in healthcare. I believe this is still relevant because certain shortfalls still apply in the local context. I thought i knew well enough how tough it may be to be working in the healthcare industry. But on further reading, i realised there are more. It is far from tough. Maybe a more suitable word will be depressing. Nonetheless, depressed i shall not be. I see the optimism. So far so good i will say in MOH's policy with regards to healthcare. And pursue my dream i will if i can, time will tell.

Lastly, i gave it some thought and i figure out one reason why i have difficulty blogging is because i may have sounded too serious too many times. Or at least, tried to sound formal. In addition, every paragraph of my post didn't have a core topic of discussion. I simply wrote what that came to my mind, and this idea certainly doesn't coincide with what is being taught of the English Language. Writing and reading more will help, and i hope i improve in time when the need for good writing comes. Like say, personal statement or certificate of service. Honestly, come to such writing, it is not how good you really are but how well you write of yourself that differentiates yourself from the rest. This is a flaw that we simply have to live with. Just like the requirement of an interview is to have good speaking and convincing abilities, it shows that different obstacles in life have different requirement, and those who do well in the right things at the right time will just have the edge. The only way to beat this is to improve oneself and make yourself all rounded. Though no one is, it will be good if you can be close to this ideal state and i will strive for this. I see my weakness and if i cannot improve on that, i will hide it.

The End

2010-07-04T14:19:00.002+08:00

How do you cope with dissatisfaction?

I have been feeling very unsatisfied with alot of things recently and one of them being my blog posts. Every single time i finish penning my blog entry, i cannot help but feel that it is lacking something somewhere. It is as though there was no chemical X and i felt i blogged for the sake of blogging. In actual fact, there is so much going on inside me which i really want to bring out and highlight. But everytime i try to write it here, things cock up, i screw up. I hate it when almost every one of my blog entries don't come through smoothly. I cannot standing having to think so long just to come up with one sentence. It just doesn't sum up enough to make sense.
This is the frustration that made me blog twice on the same day, but it doesn't hide the fact that something is still amiss. I doubt myself alot. I really cannot write.

If i cannot write, what else can i do? Because when i think of my dream, it distance me even further. I cannot speak well enough to pass the damn interview. I cannot write convincing enough to pen a good resume of myself. I cannot think coherently enough to organise my thoughs and speech. Which patient wants a person like this as a doctor? Barely one, and what makes it even more likely that the interview panel is willing to accept one? Fuck myself, i'm starting to feel more useless, maybe i should cease to exist, good bye.

As we near the end..

2010-07-04T13:14:00.003+08:00

The past few weeks were filled with grief, upset, loss, the good and the bad. Personally, it was loss that was the most dominating. Loss in bet, and frustration stemming from successive losses that nearly dented my ideal 2010 World Cup experience. Thankfully, i stopped at a deficit of about $50, or else i can forsee myself losing beyond my limit.

This world cup definitely has its entertainment value, despite the $70 cost. It was great to see teams perfomring above expectations, and those that don't belong to the league thrashed beyond redemption. However, the early exit on England was indeed disappointing. They were my number one favourite. Not in the aspect of winning the tournament, for i had to be realistic. But i thought they could have progressed further. They were down on luck to have to face Germany, but as always may the best team win and i believe they truely deserve to be defeated by the germans.

In recent weeks, I have once again lose my mood to blog, to write about something useful or interesting. Maybe it was the long absence of doing proper writing, but honestly i have no idea. I don't understand why this is happening. Sometimes, i feel i have lose much of the ability to express myself coherently. Or is it just that language is not my cup of tea? I had also speculated confidence as a key factor. For the past year or two, my morale dropped to an all time low. I couldn't regain the confidence i thought i used to have, be it in relationships, my intellectual ability, my inter-person social skills and my trust in my own personal capabilty. It seems like i have failed in every single aspect in these few mentioned.

I truely need a turning point in life, and the only thing keeping me alive is my perseverance.

That was how good Beckham used to be

2010-07-01T22:04:00.002+08:00

New or Used?

2010-07-01T19:36:00.003+08:00

New things may be appealing, but sometimes they may not be value for money. Today, I came across this article online, titled 21 Things You Should Never Buy New. Let me share this with you, it will come handy should you be scrimping already till the next pay day.

1. DVDs and CDs: Used DVDs and CDs will play like new if they were well taken care of. Even if you wind up with a scratched disc and you don't want to bother with a return, there are ways to remove the scratches and make the DVD or CD playable again.

- I hardly buy DVDs/CDs in general, because there are better sources out there to get the data i want, and usually they are even better than used ones.

2. Books: You can buy used books at significant discounts from online sellers and brick-and-mortar used book stores. The condition of the books may vary, but they usually range from good to like-new. And of course, check out your local library for free reading material.

- The library is a good place to get books, but sometimes new books are hard to find so i will get a new one if the book is a must get.

3. Video Games: Kids get tired of video games rather quickly. You can easily find used video games from online sellers at sites like Amazon and eBay a few months after the release date. Most video game store outlets will feature a used game shelf, as well. And if you're not the patient type, you can rent or borrow from a friend first to see if it's worth the purchase.

- I don't game much, so my money will not flow away in this direction. Alternatively, you may consider "free" games like Maplestory.

4. Special Occasion and Holiday Clothing: Sometimes you'll need to buy formal clothing for special occasions, such as weddings or prom. Most people will take good care of formal clothing but will only wear it once or twice. Their closet castouts are your savings: Thrift stores, yard sales, online sellers and even some dress shops offer fantastic buys on used formalwear.

- This is the reason why I don't have a single Tuxedo in my wardrobe, and barely any winter clothes.

5. Jewelry: Depreciation hits hard when you try to sell used jewelry, but as a buyer you can take advantage of the markdown to save a bundle. This is especially true for diamonds, which has ridiculously low resale value. Check out estate sales and reputable pawn shops to find great deals on unique pieces. Even if you decide to resell the jewelry later, the depreciation won't hurt as much.

- I've got none, but girls ought to know about this.

6. Ikea Furniture: Why bother assembling your own when you can pick it up for free (or nearly free) on Craigslist and Freecycle? Summer is the best time to hunt for Ikea furniture--that's when college students are changing apartments and tossing out their goodies.

- Doesn't apply to me either.

7. Games and Toys: How long do games and toys remain your child's favorite before they're left forgotten under the bed or in the closet? You can find used children's toys in great condition at moving sales or on Craigslist, or you can ask your neighbors, friends, and family to trade used toys. Just make sure to give them a good wash before letting junior play.

- Okay, this is where i will have the most dispute over. Though i have 2nd hand toys, that is only because new ones are close to extinction and i do not have a choice. Getting a brand new toy always feel better though the price can hurt abit. Even kids nowadays do not accept 2nd hand toys, so how can we settle for anything less?

8. Maternity and Baby Clothes: Compared to everyday outfits that you can wear any time, maternity clothes don't get much wear outside the few months of pregnancy when they fit. The same goes for baby clothes that are quickly outgrown. You'll save a small fortune by purchasing gently used maternity clothes and baby clothes at yard sales and thrift stores. Like children's games and toys, friends and family may have baby or maternity clothing that they'll be happy to let you take off their hands.

- Don't apply.

9. Musical Instruments: Purchasing new musical instruments for a beginner musician is rarely a good idea. (Are you ready to pay $60 an hour for piano lessons?) For your little dear who wants to learn to play an instrument, you should see how long his or her interest lasts by acquiring a rented or used instrument to practice with first. Unless you're a professional musician or your junior prodigy is seriously committed to music, a brand new instrument may not be the best investment.

- Don't apply.

10. Pets: If you buy a puppy (or kitty) from a professional breeder or a pet store outlet, it can set you back anywhere from a few hundred dollars to several thousand dollars. On top of this, you'll need to anticipate additional fees and vet bills, too. Instead, adopt a pre-owned pet from your local animal shelter and get a new family member, fees, and vaccines at a substantially lower cost.

- Don't apply.

11. Home Accent: Pieces Home decorating pieces and artwork are rarely handled on a day-to-day basis, so they're generally still in good condition even after being resold multiple times. If you like the worn-out look of some decor pieces, you can be sure you didn't pay extra for something that comes naturally with time. And don't forget, for most of us, discovering a true gem at a garage sale is 90% of the fun!

- Don't apply.

12. Craft Supplies: If you're into crafting, you probably have a variety of different supplies left over from prior projects. If you require some additional supplies for your upcoming project, then you can join a craft swap where you'll find other crafty people to trade supplies with. If you have leftovers, be sure to donate them to your local schools.

- Don't apply.

13. Houses: You're typically able to get better and more features for your dollar when you purchase an older home rather than building new. Older houses were often constructed on bigger corner lots, and you also get architectural variety in your neighborhood if the houses were built or remodeled in different eras.

- When i am capable of owning one, i won't mind a 2nd hand flat because renovation does wonders. The difference between a 2nd hand and a new flat is enough to be used for renovation, and the final product can be a house that look as good as new in the internally. So why pay more when you can get a 2nd hand that is equally appealing?

14. Office Furniture: Good office furniture is built to withstand heavy use and handling. Really solid pieces will last a lifetime, long after they're resold the first or second time. A great used desk or file cabinet will work as well as (or better than) a new one, but for a fraction of the cost. With the recession shutting down so many businesses, you can easily find lots of great office furniture deals.

- Don't apply.

15. Cars: You've probably heard this before: Cars depreciate the second you drive them off of the dealership's lot. In buying a used car, you save money on both the initial cost and the insurance. It also helps to know a trusty mechanic who can check it over first. This way, you'll be aware of any potential problems before you make the purchase.

- Hmm.. the arugment here is true, and honestly i won't mind a 2nd hand BMW provided it looks as good as new both inside and outside. Let's say you have 100k on hand, will you choose a brand new Mazda RX8 or a 2nd hand BMW 3 Series? I will consider the latter as a better option.

16. Hand Tools: Simple tools with few moving parts, like hammers, hoes and wrenches, will keep for decades so long as they are well-made to begin with and are well-maintained. These are fairly easy to find at neighborhood yard or garage sales. If you don't need to use hand tools very often, an even better deal is to rent a set of tools or borrow them from a friend.

- Don't apply.

17. Sports Equipment: Most people buy sports equipment planning to use it until it drops, but this rarely happens. So when sports equipment ends up on the resale market, they tend to still be in excellent condition. Look into buying used sporting gear through Craigslist and at yard sales or sports equipment stores.

- Don't agree with this. Who wants a 2nd hand basketball/soccer ball?

18. Consumer Electronics: I know most folks like shiny new toys, but refurbished electronic goods are a much sweeter deal. Consumer electronics are returned to the manufacturer for different reasons, but generally, they'll be inspected for damaged parts, fixed, tested, then resold at a lower price. Just make sure you get a good warranty along with your purchase.

- I won't accept 2nd hand stuff, but reburbished ones are okay. But they are not commonly found..

19. Gardening Supplies: This is an easy way for you to save money, and all you need to do is be observant. Take a look outdoors and you'll likely find such gardening supplies as mulch, wood, and even stones for free or vastly reduced prices. Used garden equipment and tools are also common goods at yard sales.

- Don't apply.

20. Timeshares: Buying timeshares isn't for everyone, but if you decide that it suits your lifestyle, purchasing the property as a resale would be a better deal than buying it brand new: on average, you'll save 67 percent on the price for a comparable new timeshare. If you're new to timeshare ownership, give it a test run first by renting short term.

- No idea what this may be.

21. Recreational Items: It's fairly easy to find high ticket recreational items like campers, boats, and jet skis being resold. Oftentimes, they're barely used at all. As long as they're in safe, working condition, they'll make for a better value when purchased used than new.

- I will go with a new one instead. Does't it stinks to know you are using an used item while on a recreation? The thought itselt is enough to spoil the fun.

If you are interested to read further, there is this other article titled 20 Things You Should Never Buy Used. Enjoy.

It's not about the money, it's about having no fucking luck!

2010-06-18T23:58:00.005+08:00

I thought i was god. I felt like i had a third eye that can predict. With that "feel good" euphoria, i embarked on a soccer betting journey that nearly ruined my World Cup experience. It made me more pissed than every, and in a good way forced me to give up on my bets before my loss accumulates.

Let's not talk about the first 2 winning tickets. Actually, damn those 2 tickets, it definitely served as a bait and encouragement to bet even more. With a profit of S$50, I stopped betting for a day or two. I casually made a prediction for two games, with my belief tending towards the underdogs. Final score relected what i predicted and I was tempted. That was when things started to go downhill.

Subsequently, i betting on a Portugal win. It ended as a draw. And for the next 7-8 games, there were no draw games when i placed bet for a draw in 3-4 out of these 7-8 games. Fuck my luck. Undeterred, i betted on Slovenia win against USA. First time half reflected 2-0 and i thought the win was mine to keep. Who knows, it ended as a draw. After 7-8 fucking games when i decided to bet on a winning game, the result of a draw came back to haunt me. Seriously, fuck this. Fuck my luck and fuck my life.

This is pissing me off, and i swear i'm not betting anymore. Forget about wanting to recoup my loss, my bad luck is sufficient to stop me from visting SP again. Pisssssssssssed. End.

If this is accurate?

2010-06-15T23:51:00.002+08:00

1.

HONDURAS
VS
CHILE

DRAW

2.

SOUTH AFRICA
VS
URUGUAY

DRAW

3.

FRANCE
VS
MEXICO

DRAW

4.

SLOVENIA
VS
USA

SLOVENIA

Not Afraid

2010-06-13T14:47:00.004+08:00

[Hook]
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid) to take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody) come take my hand (come take my hand)
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let'n you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

[Intro]
Yeah, it's been a ride…
I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

[Verse 1]
You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay ‘em
But you won't take the sting out these words before I say ‘em
Cause ain't no way I'm let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say ‘em or do something I do it, I don't give a damn
what you think, I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world
feed it beans, it's gassed up, if a thing’s stopping me
I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
No if, ands or buts don't try to ask him why or how can he
From Infinite down to the last Relapse album he's still shittin'
and whether he's on salary, paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shit’s his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
he's married to the game, like a fuck you for Christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the earth he's got the urge
to pull his dick from the dirt and fuck the whole universe

[Hook]
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid) to take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody) come take my hand (come take my hand)
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let'n you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

[Verse 2]
Ok, quit playin’ with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn’t have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it's a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth
For that fuck your feelings, instead of getting crowned you're getting capped
And to the fans, I'll never let you down again, I'm back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
let’s be honest, that last Relapse CD was “ehhhh”
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I ain't going back to that now
All I'm tryna say is get back, click-clack BLAOW
Cause I ain't playin’ around
there's a game called circle and I don't know how
I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still tryna figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't
This fucking black cloud’s still follow’s me around
But it's time to exercise these demons
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!

[Hook]
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid) to take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody) come take my hand (come take my hand)
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let'n you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

[Bridge]
And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, I'mma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'mma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

[Verse 3]
It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And don't even realize what you did, believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they can do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
my world, haters can make like bees with no stingers, and drop dead
No more beef flingers, no more drama from now on, I promise
to focus solely on handling my responsibility’s as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof like my daughters and raise it
You couldn't lift a single shingle lonely
Cause the way I feel, I'm strong enough to go to the club
Or the corner pub and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I'm raising the bar, I shoot for the moon
But I'm too busy gazing at stars, I feel amazing and...

[Hook]
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid) to take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody) come take my hand (come take my hand)
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let'n you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

Fuck this shit.

2010-06-13T14:35:00.002+08:00

Fucking life with fucking people doing fucking thing. Fucking fucked up.

Luck

2010-06-07T20:21:00.006+08:00

At certain point of your life when you find yourself running out of luck for most of everything, what do you do? Do you panic? Do you give up? Do you pray? Or do you just not bother and don't give a fuck?

Maths is proven with formulas. Science is backed with evidence. Language is spoken. What about luck, is there any basis of argument for luck? I doubt it exists. Sometimes, i wonder why luck isn't derived from a formula. I wonder why some people have better luck than the others. If there is a way to determine luck, probably i can identify the factors involved in the derivation and boost myself with more luck.

Then, maybe i can have a better life.

Fuck my bad luck.
Why don't i have big buck.
Fuck my bad luck,
Why do everything suck?

Random Shit

2010-06-05T12:27:00.002+08:00

I am starting to get more disillusioned as to what is being done in the medical fraternity. It seems that right and wrong can barely be distingushed. Often, what seperates those opposite spectrum is a thin and blur grey area. In recent news, a court ruling in the United Kingdom ruled compulsory treatment for a lady with phobia of needles. She is being made to go for treatment despite her resistance.

For so many years, humans have failed to come up with a fixed set of medical ethnics. In fact, this seems far-fetched and impossible given the volatile of this field. Many things can be argued over and over but a proper conclusion can never be arrived. I thought about smokers, alcoholics, people who don't practise safe sex, are they worthy of goverment funds? Do they warrant to be treated by doctors? Are they worth the time which can better spent on people falling ill to unfortunate cases like cancer, when all these while they have dutifully followed a heathly regime in their life? Sad to say, they only have their luck to blame, life is unfair to start with.

As doctors, it is their duty to treat and advocate treatment to all in need. Smokers with lung cancer are being treated no differently from another patient with a different form of cancer even though statistics have shown a positive relation between smoking and lung cancer. Same goes for alcoholics with liver damage or cancer. People with AIDS are often shamed upon for their promiscuous sexual activity. In the hospital, they are given as much help as science can offer to elevate any suffering. In fact, AIDS is one of the disease heavily researched in. For decades, a cure has been seeked to save the millions suffering from this terminal disease. But have we asked if they are worthy of the funds invested? Won't it be better to invest in other form of medical researches? No, because this present problem is here to stay and from a medical point of view, any disease with a huge pool of sufferers should be looked into. In other words, regardless of the roots, those people should be treated.

Should you go for any medical interview in the future, do prepare an answer for this question. You may have a different answer as mine, but i am sure this will be among the few they might ask. My answer is far from perfect, probably you can come up with something better and make you deserving of the spot in medical school.

Truth & Lies

2010-06-01T12:55:00.006+08:00

God knows how much information is hidden from all of us. If you think you read the papers on a daily basis, and look through magazines once in awhile, you know everything that is happening around us, i assure you you are living in denial. Basically, there are alot of truth hidden from all of us. Conspiracy theory you may consider this, but i choose to defer. Do note that our media is censured to a certain extent. You read on the papers what the media/govt wants you to know. Also remember, not everything on the papers are facts. Certain information is written in a way so that you don't get the full picture of interpretation, and the goverment cannot be faulted for providing the wrong information.

You may wonder why the sudden discussion about stuff being hidden from us by the goverment and certain corporations out there. Recently, i came across several articles that was rarely being mentioned by anyone anywhere such that i suspect it might be some kind of secret project undertaken by the goverment. Do you know that several goverment have invested in equipments which are claimed to have an effect to cause change in weather? In other words, they have the ability to control weather and cause catastrophic disaster? There are a few situated around our globe and among them are afew owned by the US army. Do you know that the US engaged in activities relating to the search for extra terrestrial? This is collectively known as SETI, ie. Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence. The mystery is, who knows what information they have discovered and kept it from the general public? In case you are wondering if we really know so little about universe, i am afraid you are wrong. Goverment and organisations around the world have been doing intensive study about our planet, from it's birth all the way till it's predicted extinction. Somehow, i have this cynical view that the end of our planet is approaching. But we won't know for sure unless we have concrete evidence that scientist and people in the know are willing to share. For all we know, 2012 may really be the end of the world. Top secret goverment project might even have evidence of this, but may be keeping quiet for fear of causing world wide panic. This idea brought back deja vu from a movie a few years back, and if i'm not wrong it's the movie titled End of the World starring Tom Cruise. If you think we are so lucky to have escaped several asteroid hits, who knows if we might be on a crash course collision with another planet? Already, it is estimated that the Milky Way will be colliding with Andromeda in a few billion years time. However, there is a possiblity of another known collision even earlier that we are not told but yet known by some. This idea itself is scary. So the bottomline is, there is indeed alot of things that we ought to know but are yet kept in the dark.

Alas, the only source i trust now is the internet. Ironically, the internet is such a free media such that virtually anyone and everyone can write any shit out there. Ultimately, it boils down to personal judgement to gauge what is true and what is not. If you have the heart, search hard and i am sure you can find the answers you are looking for.

Learning

2010-06-01T10:17:00.003+08:00

I've came to a conclusion that writing draft serves no good in increasing my post count. Every time i stop short of finish a blog entry, i save it as a draft and never to see it published again. Maybe it is indeed true with every writing comes a form of inspiration, and when its gone after that moment, you just don't know how to end it off.

Welcome to the start of the new month, the clock ticks closer to the end of national service, but warns of the beginning of a dangerous and bumpy chapter in my life. Life is unpredictable, and equally disillusioned as what may come my way. I dare not think further, i live life for the moment. Just a few moment ago, i read on the World Cup news about how France's manager actually commented: "Adversity is my friend. When things are calm I get bored, I even become worried!" I quite like the way he paint a positive light on obstacles and hurdles. I cannot agree more. If life has been too smooth sailing, where comes the challenges to make one stronger? What comes making life worth fighting for? If everything is given too easy, won't we take things for granted? To a certain, i am actually excited for the challenges in life that i receive. It may bring me down once in awhile, but peserverance will make the pathway for me i am sure. Just as it hurts, it keeps me motivated to press on, and provides an end point that i can work towards too, stronger it will make me that i am sure.

Last week, i visited my secondary school during the annual NCC camp. It brought back the nostalgia i haven't felt in a long while, and honestly, the bare four hours felt like heaven. In retrospec, i have spent more than 7 years witnessing the progress of our unit. It goods to see changes made and how the unit adapted to the different requirements of today. Probably, i may go back again next year, but it will be the last time. From Part A all the way to being CLT in J2, i have seen generations of leaders being built. When i was in J2, they were Part A. Come next year, those guys would be holding leadership roles as a Part D and i think my job ends there, to oversee the last group that came under my charge. The future generations will lie in the hands of the next group of CLTs, i have seen how Hanafi/Yus/Jason/Sam/Keith do it, i am sure they will do a good job no doubt.

Some people ask why i go back year after year. Afterall, NCC is merely a CCA and it is nowhere close to National Service so why hang on to something seemingly insignificant. Well, NCC isn't insignificant through the eyes of mine. It was the place i learnt to be a better person, to make mistakes and not be penalised, and to be a better leader. I may not be any leader in national service, but i am sure the lessons i have learnt will put me in good stead in the future. So why am i back? It goes down to the fundamental blocks of the unit, the people. Teacher officers, juniors and the things we do were the reason that motivated me back year after year. I don't know what is WK's rational but he probably has a stronger cause that i am, because he is still around despite being too "laojiao" for me to count the numbers of years he has been in service, directly and indirectly. I will always be grateful for what the CCA has given me. I think i learnt the most as a CLT. That was when i pushed my leadership to the limit. At times, it did backfire. It made people dislike me. But it definitely gave me the chance to learn. Sorry for being selfish, for making you hate. But in return, i learnt. I think no words can describe my feelings for BPNCC, only myself know best.

These days, leading a life so routine while serving nationa service might bore certain people, and i am afraid it might bore you too. It revolves nothing more than newspaper, books, television, computer and work. Save for the occasional outings during the weekends, life otherwise had been pretty boring. However, i'm used to it, for i am no more interesting as a person. In maintaining this behaviour, i hope i can retain some of my intellectual capabilities to combat the challenges when university starts!

I think that is all for now, for those who are enjoying, Happy Holidays!

Greed

2010-05-27T22:48:00.004+08:00

It is the coming of a long weekend break, and how do you intend to spend it?

Today, I was out with JiaMin the whole day. Gym in the morning, and town in the afternoon till late evening. For your information, the jam was really bad and it took us close to 2 hours to get back to our homes. Something unusual happened today. While we were walking in Orchard Cineleisure, i tripped over an item and when i looked down, it was a handphone. It appeared brand new, and curiosity made me pick it up. If it were you, what would you have done?

At that moment of picking it up, the idea of keeping it for myself instantly rushed through me. I admit i wasn't perfect. In fact, greed has always led to the downfall of the human race and i fall victim to this fallacious trait too. I was deliberating whether to keep it or return it to the rightful owner. He called several times, but i ignored it as i try to work out a plan. I questioned my integrity, my principles, gone through chain or reasoning and still fail to work out a desired course of action. Naturally, the appropriate way is to return it. Leaving it on the ground was no better because anyone else could have just picked it up and kept it for himself. Skeptics usually have it right, for majority of the times when you lose your mobile, do not expect to have it returned to you because in-built in most of us is something known as greed.

Eventually, i returned it back. I called back the caller and met him somewhere in town to have it returned. If not for my friend who encouraged me to return, and for the fact that tomorrow is Vesak Day and i do not want to enter the temple feeling guilt-ridden on Buddha's birthday, chances are that i might have kept it for myself. This incident was definitely a test of character, and though i returned it, i felt that i have failed this test and i was quite a bit disappointed with myself for even having the thought of keeping it for myself. If it was an Iphone, the urge would have been even greater i would honestly let you know. Probably, it was time to reflect. If it was you, would you have done the same?

The start of a long break feels good, and i thought i planned it quite well this weekend. Today was well spent with JiaMin, tomorrow will be a visit to the temple. I was determined not to go to the Temple wishing for something. I promise for tomorrow, i will just be there to celebrate Vesak Day, as a show of respect. Evening will be spent with friends. Saturday is time for some movies, Sunday is badminton game with friends again. Evening probably going to Grandma house. So many things going on, so little time..............

Chaos

2010-05-26T20:01:00.005+08:00

You can conclude how small Singapore is when you are on the train and you suddenly realise someone standing beside you has a Zune HD too. The only difference between mine and his is that i observed his screen is working well and mine is not. I guess he realise i had one and vice versa and i feel a kind of unspoken surprise between the both of us. Indeed a coincidence because it is not available here and is not as popular as the Apple Itouch. I don't know if he realise it, but Zune HD is really inferior compared the the Itouch. It took me long enough to agree to this at a price of $520. But at least i gained enlightenment finally and is willing to take the switch soon, i wonder about him? And at that point in time, I felt inferior and embarrassed. I hope he didn't notice how screwed up my screen is, i wish his all the luck possible.

Anyway, the state of the world is getting increasingly pathetic and days go by and i never stop feeling hopeless as of what is to come in the future. As you read the papers, it can actually make you start to feel pessimistic about our prospects as humans. Though the papers in Singapore is restricted and censored to a certain extent, but they don't hide facts going around the world. ( Probably some restriction on Singapore politics, but i don't really care as long as Singapore is in "decent" hands. ) First, we witnessed disaster after disaster. From made made to natural. Take Haiti and the China Earthquakes as example. Next, was the long standing Thailand internal conflict. Now, we see the stand off between North and South Korea. With this kind of bad press hitting the headlines one after another, one cannot help but feel a lack of peace in our surroundings. Psychologically, it is depressing for everyone around the world to know of such unrest constantly happening in the world around us. Let's all be realistic, because conflict elsewhere is sure to at least have an indirect on our personal well being considering our connected our world is in the 21st century.

With all these happening, i start to understand why some people are wishing for world peace, though it is hard to come by. Barely half a century after our last World War, we are starting to experience hostility between countries again. War in Afgan is far off from Singapore, thank god. But the repercussions come in the form of economic loss and motivated terrorism among regional terrorist group. If North and South indeed go to war, effects will be devastating in the Asia. From my personal opinion, i think North would not go to war. I would call the North Korea a fierce cat. Like an animal who would threaten upon confronted, it runs away once given chase. I feel that North Korea threatens because they would like to make it seem as though they have a say and the power to back it up, but sadly that is not the case. Look at how they succumb to pressures because of its nuclear activities, and in this conflict i predict that they will have to suck it up eventually. We shall see.

World Cup 2010

2010-05-16T22:28:00.007+08:00

Today, let me give you some reasons why you should subscribe to Starhub for World Cup 2010, despite the controversy over the pricing islandwide, and complains from disgruntled Singaporeans why we are paying S$70 while people on the nearby island of Indonesia are getting it free. PS. From a non-Starhub member point of argument:

Firstly, don't compare with other countries. Let's not say about standard of living and comparison of income. In Singapore, you can be guaranteed of the quality of screening and you can even have a chance to watch it in HD if you have the necessary devices. Beat that if you are living in some 3rd world country.

Secondly, signing up has became more straightforward than previous years. In the past, if you are non-starhub member, you have to go through the hassle of paying for the basic group for a few months, on top of paying for the box and the setting up. This year, it is simply cash and carry. Actually, no cash but just registering as payment will be mailed to the home. Just some filling up of particulars and get your setup box and you are good to go.

Thirdly, S$70 comes inclusive of several goodies. Waiver of S$10 rental of setup box, so the price is indeed S$70 as advertised on the papers. In addition, there is a free 3 month trail of the basic group, which will otherwise cost you S$25 on a normal basis. Essentially, that means S$70 bucks for 3 basic group and World Cup channel and that is definitely a good deal if you compare this with regular Starhub subscribers who pay S$75 over 3 months for just the basic group. FYI, basic group includes stuff like chinese and english entertainment channels and educational ones though you have the choice to pick other groups.

So why wait any longer? Why go through the trouble of searching for antenna signals or fight for bandwidth on online streaming which is slower by a few seconds and lags like crap? Afterall, it is a once every 4 years event. You still have till 31st May, so quick get your Prepaid Package now!

PS again, i'm not a starhub employee.

Lone

2010-05-15T20:06:00.004+08:00

I like it on a good peaceful saturday night, i lock up myself in my room alone listening to good music and downing some booze. I like the inspirations i may get, the reflections that may come and the realisations that can occcur. On such a night, i want minimal disturbance. I want my emotions shaken. I will do what i want till i get tired when alchohol overcomes me. And that night will come tonight. Please don't ask why, because it is as simple as not feeling too good about the week, and the years to come, and the unpleasant shit i see in life. Thank you and signing off for now.

Ultraman again

2010-05-10T18:02:00.005+08:00

Today was the few rare days when boss is not around and things can be taken more easily. Such an opportunity should be utilised to the max, so i brought my understudy for despatch without having to be scrutinised. We were back home by 2pm without having to worry about calls from camps. That is picking the right day to do the right things. :)

If you have been following my blog closely, you will remember this blog started out with the intention of sharing updates on my ultraman collection and also my reflections and opinion of the latest issue in the country and outside. But as circumstances change and so did me as a person, the things you see here on this blog evolved and stuff you see lately are more of my whines and complains. I'm sorry i have to bore you with this shit, but i also appreciate your understanding in knowing that this space serves as an avenue for me to vent. I am still reading the papers on a regularly basis and keeping up with the latest news (i can still find time to read in camp, like ya know how there are ways to ck in camp), however, i somewhat lost confidence to write in good standard English. Probably it's the beating from rejections in medical school, or upsets in life that made me lose the strength and drive i once had. Not to worry though, my brain is still functioning like normal, i still think and reflect but the output goes more often to my friends than here. Somehow, speaking is easier than penning it down on this blog. This sounds like words coming from someone starting to slack off.. in life.. Haha.

So today, i promise to bring back stuff i once agreed on. It won't be a GP essay, but something closer to my heart and interest; something i still hold dear to which is my ultraman collection. You may wish to know why there is a lack of updates. In recent years, the global economy sucked. You may say we are on the recovery from a global financial crisis, our goverment is on the positive outlook, and maybe in their opinion we are already back on track! But as you know of our goverment policy, which is exchange rate orientated. This is especially not ideal for collectors like us who have an interest in importing goods from Japan because Japanese Yen has risen significally against our dollar, making purchases from there becoming more costly. In addition, actual retail price has also risen and a combination of this two factors has inflated the cost. Therefore, this cost issue has forced me to fall back temporary. I had intention of getting this:

This is the BM Project, of Ultraman Zero from the new ultraman movie. It is a collaboration between Bandai and Medicom, and it may well be because of this point that cost has risen. I had wanted to get one of this so badly. A figure like this used to cost at maximumly around $220, but this is going for close to $300. My pathetic NSF pay was also a consideration, for if i had earned more i would have reconsidered. I am getting 460 per month, and 300 is an effing more than 50% of my allowance. If i am getting this, how am i surviving for the rest of the month, much less giving any thought about saving? All i can is to wish for prices to drop and for future batch release to make that happen.. They would if they can hear the cries from the collectors. :'(

To ease the burning urge to get something (fyi my last toy was around a year ago), i decided to try a new online toy portal. It goes by the name of Hobbylink Japan. The price is reasonable for goods imported from Japan, prices are competitive with that of Uncle Ng. Therefore, i have decided on a 800 Yen figure (converted to S$ and it will cost 13 bucks, in addition to a 7 dollar shipping) from the new movie too. It is a small 15cm figure, but the character is cool in my opinion. It looks like this:

This dude is Tector Gear Zero. It has the same concept as Ultraman Hikari in armoured mode. This time round, the armour served as a training aid to make him a stronger warrior, while for Ultraman Hikari it trapped him from his true self ande made him evil while in the armour. I am actually looking forward to this because it is the first time a toy will be delivered straight to my doorstep. I am confident of the good service they will provide, and i won't hesitate to make my next order soon. When my finance ease. :)

Lastly, i don't know if have said this before, but i'm saying this again because i'm too excited for it's arrival! I have preordered the Iron Man Hot Toys figure Mark 4. It looks like this and it's too awesome to resist. Sheduled to come in november, now that makes ORD worth waiting for. Do look closely, or it may easily pass off as the real thing. Enjoy the pictures!

Lost

2010-05-08T21:05:00.003+08:00

This blog is starting to become a forgotten space of my life.

In actual fact, there's many things i want to express and say here. But most of the time inspiration runs out before i can find time to reach my computer. For certain things, i think words cannot express accurately what i am trying to point out. At least in a face to face conversation, there are opportunity to further elaborate and clarify if you don't understand. If it's on the blog, most people simply assume their point of understanding. I don't want to give a false interpretation of what i am feeling.

As fast as it seems, i am 6 more months to ORD. I wondered how i have spend the last 1 year 4 months of my life. The past is a learning lesson and experience, but what lies beyond is something i am more worried of. I don't know if i will be embarking on a lonely journey to China to pursue my dream. More importantly, i do not know if i am mentally prepared. I do not know if my family is financially capable. I do not know if this is what i want. And most importantly, i do not know if i am wanted there. So much for perseverance and determination, fighting towards my dream has become more of a headache and heartbreak.

Recently, i have become more immuned to what people see of me, think of me, or feel of me. This is applicable to strangers i do not know. Probably it's a feeling of devastation and rejection from past failure, i know longer give a damn. Life has been harsh and i got more serious matter to worry about. It feels like i'm on the brink of giving up any hope. I do not know, i feel lost and that is why this post seems so disorientated.

In Honour

2010-05-02T10:51:00.002+08:00

What i am about to blog will be deeply controversial, hence i decided on the safer side to write about it on my blog instead of somewhere else more publicly accessible. And, no offense to the dead.

In this week, i believe how some people have heard of the death of a girl called Melissa Toh. The news was definitely widespread and it even appeared as one of the tabs on the Yahoo Singapore homepage. The facebook group created in her remembrance even hit more than 8000 over users and still climbing, with throngs of people sending in condolence despite not knowing her. These acts have became unbelievable in my honest opinion, and i am finding it hard to accept.

If you do look around in facebook, we see groups created for people who died in honour of war, of the passing of people who made a change in the world. Those people deserved to be remembered for all due to their contribution to the world. But for a stranger, who displayed cowardice and the failure to treasure one's life, how is she deserving of stranger's sympathy and good wishes? I have no objections to her friends' creation of that group out of sadness. However, if we see so many people who are not related starting to flood the wall of the group with condolences, is it a sign that people are showing disregard to the act of suicide? Is it a telling that suicide is becoming more acceptable? Or should i be less skeptical and say Singaporeans are a compassionate lot?

I will appreciate no flaming on this issue, thank you.

Hate

2010-04-29T18:57:00.006+08:00

This post nearly ended up as a hate post, but i thought about what is it to be a buddhist, and i refrained.

For the hardwork and effort everyone in our branch put in for the brigade change of command ceremony, we were awarded an early fallout tomorrow at 5pm i presumed. I compared this with the other branches whose role only came into play during the last 2 days of rehearsals, i felt that this was unjust. Naturally, we were unhappy. Tensions were unusually high today, and it was a thrill to witness events unfold one after another. At a particular moment, i was pissed. I was angry with the way we were treated despite our contribution, but right now i have analysed the situation in a better view.

Afterall, life is too short to be unhappy over something that doesn't matter to me. I was glad i voiced out, though i expected nothing to be changed despite what i say. Expressing it out was a good testament i wasn't a "yes man" like my upperstudy. In any aspect you may choose to say i might be like him, but in this particular way i strongly oppose. I may not have the rank to change things into the way i desire, but the opportunity to express my unhappiness was valuable. Do not be mistaken for unhappiness does not equate to anger or hatred. It is a mode of expression which do not stay long in the heart, and hence will not have any consequence on my health.

Tomorrow i will be in camp, unlike the rest of the majority. However, i do not hold a grudge. Optimistically, boss is not around in the morning. TGIF feel ends the day mentally earlier than the other weekdays.

Quoted from our common enemy: 'I am your DY SX (appointment), and my name is CPT XXXXX XXX, OR you can call me SIR!!!'

SIR, karma will come back to you one day, god bless.

Scam

2010-04-25T21:22:00.001+08:00

This girl on my friend list faked a birthday date, which falls on today. Tons of people wrote on her wall to give their best wishes. She ended it all with a message late in the day, saying its a test to see who truely remembers her birthday, and of cause her birthday wasn't in fact today. How gay, and what a test to give or a scam to play. If i were one of those who wished her, i would be pissed. That said, thankfully i didn't, for i barely know her.

SIOL

2010-04-24T22:06:00.004+08:00

A few days back there is this report on the Straits Time stating that Singaporean's overall gracious index has improved from last year. However, in my humble opinion, it is far from reaching the desired standard, especially of a 1st class developed nation.

I know i might have ranted about this before some time back, but i really want to SIOL (shout it out loud) again about people not moving to the back of the bus, especially during peak hours. It has been getting so much on my nerves that i had even joined this facebook group with the same title on it. I usually don't join this kind of lame facebook group pushing for a certain cause because if i were to for ever cause i stand for, then my profile will be spammed. But on this, my frustration is so strong to the extent i'm willing to make a different decision. However, what puzzled me all the more is the few mumber of people in the group. If there can be ten of thousands of people in groups like 'I hate walking behind a smoker', don't you think this problem of people not moving to the back of the bus is equally significant? Unless most of us are guilty of this and hence do not support such a theory.

What happened last friday is a good reflection of my point. I went home during peak hours and since it was raining, the crowd was greater than usual. The road was more packed with traffic and the overall bus speed is lower than normal. But what added on to the wait was inconsiderate singaporeans not moving to the back of the bus, and that is stupidity in my opinion. Because when you don't move back, people at the front squeeze like sardines, and commuters at the door of the bus try to push their way in, and therefore the bus wastes more time at the bus stop waiting either for commuters to stop trying and wait for the next bus or for people in the centre TO MOVE IN TO THE FKING BACK OF THE DAMN BUS. When buses waste too much time at the bus stop, it also screws up the interval that the bus is suppose to arrive at every individual bus stop, and that is when you see 2-3 buses coming altogether. Don't people realise this? All they know is complain about buses not sticking to the "come within 7-8 minutes" policy.

I hate it when those idiots in the centre pretend like they know nothing of the situation at the front of the bus. When they look to the back of the bus they behave as though there's ghost occupying the back spaces. I applaud the newer buses initiatives of introducing recorded voices to ask people to move back. However, even this fails to work sometimes. Therefore, those inconsiderate idiots should be fined, and banned from taking the public transport!

Anyway, the idea of giving tuition part time started to come back to me again. Partly because i got a friend doing it, and going back to startutor.sg has sparked some interest. On top of that, i find myself broke so often every month. I need more moolah, more money and giving tuition sounds like a great idea!

What are you doing?

2010-04-11T20:33:00.002+08:00

What are you doing?

I may felt as though i have utilised my day today, but it certainly lacks excitment. So, though satisfied, i'm complaining its boring!

I stayed home for the day.

I read the newspaper in the afternoon, reached chapter 4 of the new book on hand, caught 3 episodes of ultraman, what more can i ask for?

Not to forget updating my blog with 2 posts for today. :)

What about you? It was quiet on msn today.

Motivation

2010-04-11T20:30:00.003+08:00

Everyone needs something to keep them going. In a way, we can call it motivation. And it is also precisely because of a lack of motivation, certain people choose to chaokeng their way through. I can understand from their perspective, but that is not to say they are entirely not to be blamed. An example will be the situation from my office. Low chance of getting offs for hard work contributed, insignificance of any promotion on top of a low pay, it serves no reason why we should work hard for the organization. A cause can only bring you so far, as I expect some to argue from the point of serving our nation.

So what’s your motivation?

To survive next week, I look forward to Friday. Meeting you serves as my motivation.

To pull through NS, the opportunity to pursue my dream serves as my motivation.

To overcome rejection, books serve as my motivation.

I believe for everything you do, you need an incentive to keep the momentum going. Besides motivation, it may be a vision, or a value you hold dear to. With that, I hope you don’t give up on your dreams.

Anger

2010-04-08T20:40:00.004+08:00

The week started well on monday, but unfortunately things wasn't as smooth sailing through the week. As expected, i was f* for faults not belonging to myself. I was tasked for something which i wasn't even told beforehand. I has handed down with more nominal rolls to handle. I still have to keep track of my originally assigned duty. More importantly, i am myself; i am one person. There is a limit to everything, and quite obviously i think they have crossed the line this time. It is all about the rank again, and i am in no position to dodge the arrows. If it's not me, it will be the other hardworking clerks who would have to cover more work and i don't wish for that to happen.

I guess this has also allowed anger to consume myself. I was like a grenade with the safety pin detached, waiting to blast any time. I was just waiting for the right time, right moment to shoot off and be nasty. I wasn't neither rude nor not showing any regards to higher authority. But, i was harming myself for being angry, for containing my unhappiness. I need to get over with this, because i still have 7 more months to go, i can't live everyday feeling pissed about all these sh*t. My stroke of insight thought me it's all in the mind. Buddhism preached the same thing too. Maybe, it is back to more reading about my religion. I'm starting to disorientate myself from god. I need to be back on track.

Afterall, life is full or surprises and joy from doing the things you like and being with the one you like or love. I ain't gonna let this sh*t ruin my definition of life.

I'll live it to my fullest. All those sh*t? They gonna be the last thing on my mind!

Today

2010-04-05T22:01:00.001+08:00

Today, was a simple unforgettable day. :)

Our Healthcare System

2010-04-02T18:43:00.009+08:00

One of my friend returned from a month's long MC after his leg operation. He was diagnosed with stress injuries on his legs, a condition also known as shin splint. He was advised by his doctor to undergo surgery to correct a possible muscle problem at the shin area. In addition, he was also operated at thee known point of stress injury to confirm that the diagnosis of stress injury is nothing more than what it is supposed to be. According to my friend, there was a concentrated blood clot at the point, which can be due to 2 possible reasoning. Either it is taking longer than normal to heal, or it may signal a secondary problem to his leg.

That was the situation i understood from my friend. At the end of the surgery, my friend was a satisfied customer as a private patient of a private hospital. My discussion will lie around the need for an operation and the market failure in the industry for healthcare services. Speaking from the point of view of someone with similar diagnosis, i was in doubt of the treatment offered by the specialist of my friend. From my understanding, my friend and i had similar severity of stress injury. Why was he offered surgery, when in my case, there wasn't even the slightest mention of this possible form of treatment? This goes back to the limitation of current healthcare treatment. Medical advancement is not magic, neither is it homogenous throughout nor perfect. Therefore, different doctors offer different treatment option, to either improve the condition or alleviate the pain or suffering experienced by the patient.

About a week ago, i came across this facebook group set up by this girl who lost her dad. I was sympathetic towards her lost, but at the same time, i felt that some of her arguments wasn't justified. She claimed that hospital staff wasn't doing enough for her dad, which was the primary cause of her dad's life. From an outsider's perspective, it is hard to fully comprehend the workings in a hospital. In addition, some people have unrealistic expectations of our healthcare system, and the works and wonders of medicine. Despite improvements from the past, most of the time medicine doesn't offer cure to illness. It's primary role is to alleviate the suffering of terminally ill patients through the use of morphine and similar pain reliever, or to assist the natural body immune system to overcome the disease. Afterall, the best medicine is one's health. People need to be properly educated on the limitations, because it is unfair for the doctors and nurses who have sweat their lifes day in day out, through 24 hours duty and so on and yet not be reciprocated with gratitude from the patient's family. In the above case, my instincts tell me that the doctors and nurses have indeed done their best.

Back to the case of my friend, i was left to wonder if he was unnecessarily offered treatment. Treatment is not so straightforward as we laymen will see it to be. A lot of factors have to be taken into considerations, like the cost of treatment, patient's current condition, possibility of a complete recovery and the side effects among the few. I will go on to explain my opinion of these points along the way.

As my friend was visiting a private hospital, i feel there might be a conflict of interest between the patient and the doctor. My stand is that nowadays, doctors are more profit motivated in providing treatment. Hardly do we see doctors giving free consultations out of the spirit of helping the needy. As quoted from some doctors, it may be a bad idea to saturate the market with too many doctors because when doctors earn less, they may seek alternate sources of income, for example, by providing additional tests or introducing more expensive medicines to patients, which is not a good thing on the patient's side. Therefore, low healthcare cost by increasing the number of doctors may not be that useful, even though the goverment's argument is that with the ageing population, we have to in order to cope with the rise in need. In my friend's case, i believe surgery might be alittle too extravagent. But due to a lack of medical knowledge, he might perceive it as necessary based on what he was told by the doctor. From the doctors's perspective, he may claim to be just over cautious for his patient's benefit, but truth be told it is also an additional boost to his income.

Back last year, i was asked this question as to whether is it alright for doctors to make money of their patients. It was a tough question in opinion, because i was leaning more towards the point of providing free healthcare to the poor or needy. My point is not entirely wrong, but neither is making money out of patient because doctors are humans afterall and they should be rewarded for their effort. Morally, i feel that doctors are people fortunate enough to have the knowledge in treating people, hence they should do more for society because few have this special set of skill.

I read from the papers that in certain parts of the world, there is a system of free healthcare market. It results in over consumption by patients, over prescription by doctors, which ultimately results in higher healthcare cost and a greater burden on tax payer and the goverment's budget spending. This may result in market failure. They over consume and excessively seek multiple treatments because it is free or heavily subsidised. Doctors on the other hand, introduce more test, which may be unnecessary, to double confirm the diagnosis. In some case, there may also be undue effort to extend the life of a patient whom may not have any chance of full recovery like in cases where the patient is in terminal stage of cancer and any effort to extend his life may only give him more suffering. Imperfect knowledge on the patient's side means they usually heed the advice given to them by their doctors. This is extremely dangerous but unfortunately unavoidable. It also goes to show that patients may possibly make medically wrong decisions at times, hence the market failure.

Recently, i came across a book which questioned, when does a doctor exercise his rights to enforce a certain kind of treatment in the good of his patients, and will he have considered to have cross the boundary and be blamed for not giving his patient the anomity to decide for his ownself. Afterall, the patient's life is as a matter of fact in his own hands. Doctors should only help when parents seek help. However, in this complicated healthcare industry, doctors have to ask themselves how can they allow someone to die in front of them without intervening when it is possible for them to do something. It all boils down to moral values, and indeed it is not an easy question to answer. In order to give the best answer for this question, we have to depend on the situation encountered. More often than not, the patient's mentality is flawed because the fact that he is suffering a certain form of illness may impair his thoughts and pscyhologically, he should not be deemed in a proper state of mind in the case of major illness. He might have thought of himself as a burden, or he may be hasty in his decision because of the panic brought my onset of a sudden illness. Therefore, doctors should exercise their rights whenever they can, afterall they are trained in medical knowledge. Nonetheless, this puts patients at a dangerous position because they may be susceptible to abuse. It may give doctors the right to determine someone else's life, which is morally not right. He may decide that a particular patient's prognosis is not good and may be put off life support or deemed DNR (do not resuscitate) and make it happen through incorrect influence on the patient.

The limit is endless, and abuse is bound to appear for many kinds of medical treatment, be it organ transplant or euthanasia. Till the day whereby guidelines can be closely monitored and abuse minimised, will we reach a stage whereby the healthcare industry as a whole can be close to perfect. This will be the ideal perfect market for patients.

Earth Day

2010-03-28T15:48:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was Earth Day, and what have you done to reduce the damage done to the Earth? To me, this day is significant. I confess i am an environmentalist to quite an extent because i believe one day, our planet will be ruined beyond redemption and what we can do now is to contribute our parts to lengthen its sustainability for a few more generations to come. For myself, yesterday was quite a success. I manage to convince my parents to join in this campaign and so at 8.30, we had all our lights switched off. It was quite an experience because during the 1 hour duration, i bathed in the dark. We navigate ourselves in the house with the minimal use of a tourchlight from my handphone. My dad was sleeping so he didn't really care. I had my com switched off and i spent the hour talking to my mum about the importance of the earth hour. Haha!

I visited CSC yesterday after quite a long hiatus. I was quite surprised that the demand for ultraman figurines have dropped and uncle ng told me he didn't make any pre-order for the BM Project Ultraman Zero figure. I was quite disappointed but i'm glad i will save the money for better use. We also saw Hot Toys's Iron Man preorder and the sculpture is awesome in my opinion. Pictures are at the bottom of this post. Yesterdays's visit actually generated a certain amount of impulse and i was so tempted to get one of those figures, but frugality prioritised itself first and the idea was waved off till a later date. :)

Laziness has kicked in today, and because my brother and I woke up so late, we decided to make our first home delivery. Mac was getting boring so we went with PastaMania. As expected, serving was smaller, but the feel of having your food delivered to your doorstep is just awesome. Once in awhile won't kill. Haha!

We are the World

2010-03-24T19:55:00.002+08:00

I like this song. MJ's one was great, but this combined effort of so many artists was even more magical. Look at their faces, feel their emotions and listen to the power of their voices. Without even being physically there, i feel the loss and helplessness of those affected by the Haitian Earthquake. If you can donate, please do. :)

My failures.

2010-03-21T22:16:00.007+08:00

My biggest regret was not being focused. Last year, i succumbed to pressure and external influence. I was overcomed with greed and prestige. And ultimately, i paid the price for not listening to my heart. At instances when making important decisions, it is always useful to seek advices. However, the final say should lie in your hand. Touch your heart and ask yourself if it is indeed what you really want.

I failed to do so, and i rightfully don't deserve the place in YLLSOM. I applied to dentistry as a backup choice. Then, i thought dentistry was equally prestigious as medicine and if i cannot be called doctor as a medical doctor, i can be called doctor as a dentist. Upon thorough reflection now, i thought to myself, even if given the chance to study dentistry, i may forsake it for a chance to be a doctor.

I applied to scholarships, thinking it would be consolable backup plan should i fail to enroll in medicine school. I diverted my attention and my soul to prepare for those scholarship interviews which allow me the opportunity to study engineering courses overseas. Back then, i thought it will at least provide with a unique overseas experience. However, giving up the chance to study medicine for something else wasn't what i was prepare to do then, and even now.

I thought i knew what i wanted then, but i didn't. Failure has encouraged me to think harder, and it has allowed me to emerge clearer and surer. I won't trade anything else for a shot to reach my dream. Nothing else compares to what you really want, because there is no substitute.

If you ask me now, all i'll say is i must try. Medicine school in china, singapore's 3rd medical school and if they fail me, or rather i fail myself, there is still graduate medical school. This will be the path i set for myself, and i am more than determined to follow this course of route.

My First Book

2010-03-21T20:26:00.002+08:00

Finally, after 3 months, i have finished my first book in the year! It goes to show i'm relatively busier now than last year.

Looking back, i didn't regret the path i took last year. By going out of course from Sispec, i was given more free time to read up and to slack off. Newspaper and storybooks gave me the knowledge, and blogging helps me to sharpen my writting skills while i'm not in school. Almost everyday while in camp, i try to read the newspaper. Such a goal is most of the time attainable unless i'm really busy on that day.

I should make a trip down to Kino soon so that i can get a 2nd book. These books are like boosters which keep my drive and determination going. I'm sure it will last me to ORD and till i begin my university.

Upcoming movies for the month of April

2010-03-21T17:44:00.008+08:00

So many movies, so little time to spare. List of movies worthy of a watch in my opinion are as follows:

Iron Man 2 - Iron Man 1 is good, i expect 2 to be even better!
Ip Man 2 - I wonder what Ip Man 2 entails since the first movie gave almost a complete picture of how he started learning martial arts.
Clash of the Titans - Looks like an awesome show available in 3D
Shutter Island - The trailer makes the show seem exciting and thrilling
Date Night - Great show to watch on a date, a comedy that is action packed
Future X Cops - Because Andy Lau is acting.. Haha
Kick-Ass - Recommendation from friend, seen the trailer and it didn't look too bad

All these coming in the month of april, oh gosh, time to prepare to mend the hole in my wallet. I went to watch Green Zone today with Wilson, Mark and Mr Liw. I'll rate it 3.5/5 stars. It is hard to explain in words, because you will need to see it first before you can understand how i feel about the show. The action is good, the conspiracy theory is interesting, but certain parts of the movie just bore me because it is too centered on their pursuit of MWD. Such a simple plot can span close to 2 hours, i guess that explains how taxing the movie had on my eyes. Nonetheless, i still enjoyed it for the military style combat for at several times in the movie, it pumped my heart with adrenaline.

Life

2010-03-19T14:33:00.007+08:00

Today was such a pain in the ass, literally. First thing in the morning that happened to me was when i woke up, i was overwhelmed with an intense stomach ache. Damn it, and today, i have duty. I didn't want to be ass, so i went to camp hoping it might get better. Before that, i applied axe oil on my stomach, and the pain evolved into some burning sensation. Wrong move in my opinion.

So when i reached camp, i had to visit the toilet. I thought it was all over but i reached the bunk, i was struggling in pain. Thank goodness for the kind standby, he helped me with the duty till 12pm and luckily by then i was getting much better. But i skipped lunch though, i didn't want to incur the wrath of my stomach, for i may get another round of shit.

Anyway, today on the bus to camp, i thought i witnessed a road accident, indirectly. There was this point when the bus made a careful manoveur at the cross junction. I saw this guy, he was clearly in mac delivery attire, lying motionless on the road. I thought i saw blood too, but it was too dark to tell because it was 6.30 in the morning. There was another guy who seemed panic, i think he was the driver of the car. Another guy was attending to the man lying on the ground, while an old man was directing the traffic so that they will be careful of the injured guy.

The thing that came to my mind wasn't about how helpful singaporeans are to offer assistance. I believe that should be basic human graciousness to offer help when in need. This idea came in line with what i thought when i'm close to finishing this book titled, The Intern. "Life is fragile, and it causes suffering" This was what that came to my mind. Brittle as glass is what best described our life. I thought i was one of the unfortunate when i was hit with stress injury aka shin splint 1 year back. When i visited the orthopaedic department at TTSH, i saw people on wheechair, with casted limbs, having deformed walking habits, i know i wasn't the worse off. I feel guilty whenever i have to visit the specialist, because i'm not deserving enough for such medical care, whatever that happened to me wasn't that serious.

We complained that we're not feeling sick here and there. What we didn't know is day in day out is that hospital occupancy rates are close to 80-90% daily. Majority i believe are not chaokeng nonsense that i see daily in NS. They are people in need of urgent medical help. I choose to believe and quote what i read from my book. These people, tend to be people beyond their thirties, when their body state start to deteoriate, that is time we see organs failing. These people have go through intensive treatments, way beyond the pills and syrups that we popped in conveniently into our mouth. Surgery, artificial breathing assistance, chemotherapy, daily dosage of injections being among of them. That is what may happen to me in time to come as i move pass my prime age. This will be what that be awaiting most of us , hence i worry. We do not see them now because we are healthy and fit, but till then, will you start to realise you should not treat your healthiness for granted. This is why i say like is suffering. How many of us can die peacefully in sleep without having to go through serious health complication before we pass?

Life is brittle, because life is life. Life itself cannot be easily defined, the arguments are endless just like how we will want to discuss the universe. Indefinite. Life is concevied easily through sexual reproduction, taken away equally with ease like a stab in the chest. Yet, life is so powerful, because one life can make a difference in the world. Bush words started the iraq war which resulted in more loss of life, that is how much say one man can have. We never know what may happen to us. I wonder with equal inquisity as to will that man in the accident survive, and if he do what lies ahead of him? He may be a handicap for all we know. God bless him.

Recently, i'm telling myself to treasure life. But at certain points, i occasionally grudge that life can be such a suffering that i wished i never existed right from the start. Don't worry this isn't any suicidal thought. Since i already existed, i'll just have to make best do about what i have. - life.

It's that cheesy, but, I miss you.

2010-03-18T19:47:00.005+08:00

Tomorrow i may blog again, because it's duty day! I have ample of time to spare. :)

Anyway, yesterday's medical appointment went well. No bone scan means good news. I'm quite sure i have a phobia of needles. I can deal with the pain, but not the idea of having a needle going through my veins. Perhaps it's really all in the mind..

I showed the Medical Officer my letter and i got my PES status renewed temporary for another six months. It will take about 1 month for the medical board, and hopefully i will miss the overseas exercise! I will appreciate this because to me, that will mean ORDing in peace, with DyS1 overseas for the 3 weeks prior to ORD. Like the 3 weeks i'm going through now when he is in India, i'm enjoying it!

Last weekend, i baked some cookies and i feel it is pretty successful. Thanks to dad for providing the recipe, mum for showing me how to do it, and you who tried it. I'm sure it's superb, right? HAHA! ;P

How do I see myself in 7 to 10 years' time?

2010-03-08T19:25:00.003+08:00

Some people will tell you not to worry about the future. It's true to a certain extent, look at now, this very minute or second, how many thoughts are already going through your mind? Consider this, the future comes in years, which equates to many months and days. Why worry about the future when you have the present to care about.

This is a question posed by the admission panel for one of the overseas university. My friend asked me to look through his response, so why not use it to discuss on my blog as well?

The honest truth is that i'm too scared of the future. I am worried, and at times this has made me lack the courage to consider the future. Regardless 1 year, 2 years, 7 to 10 years, it has always hold truth to me that nothing is certain. From my eyes, i see the future as something bleak, blurry and uncertain. Afterall, how can i say for sure what i see of myself when i didn't even make it to where i want? Through the past year, i had been idling past my life, going through something which i try to convince myself was a part of every singaporean male life. It offers some consolation i'm wasting my time together with everyone else. With these 2 years, i optimistically thought i have abit more time to work out this mess i am in.

Ideally, in 7 to 10 years time, I should be a fresh graduate from medical school. Armed with vast medical knowledge, i adequately prepare myself for my career by completing my national service as a medical officer. I will be seeing patients, giving it some thought on what to specialise as a doctor. I will slowly master the art of healing, of treating people. I will understand commitment. I will start to know better that medicine is so much beyond knowledge, it involves interaction. All these will lead me to become a better doctor.

Sad to say, the above is purely illusion. It is what i hoped, but it may not be reality. This very well goes the same as when people say the one you loved the most may not be the one you marry afterall. Life isn't a bed of roses. But this cannot be the basis for every act you make. There is determination, perserverance, luck and every other factors to make things closer to expectations.

Back to the question, i'm afraid i cannot answer afterall. Probably the best way is to take it one step at a time. Slowly but surely, i'll see start to see the full picture and maybe it is then, will i be able to confidently tell you about the future i forsee.

Why so serious?

2010-03-07T21:37:00.008+08:00

Somehow, i felt that one post today wasn't enough so i decided to ask myself this question: Why so serious?

Today, a couple of days back, last year, and the past few years, people and friends have actually pointed this out to me, why am i always so serious. I bet it's true. I know it, but i unknowingly do it at times. The definition from an online dictionary states that serious is also known as grave in quality or manner.

My seriousness came as a double edged sword. But as a double edged sword it is, if you know proper swordplay and can brandish the right side at the appropriate time, it will do you good all the time. However, swordplay comes with time and practice and it is through life experience that i may become more versatile in handling my emotions, feelings and the way i express myself.

What's so bad about being so serious all the time? Firstly, it gives you the negative first impression. Imagine it's day one in a new class and you start portraying your all so alter ego serious look, how will people dare to approach you? Time has shown that people make friends most easily at the first instance. So if since day one people have this feeling about you and they distant themselves away from you, how will you expect them to come close to you for the rest of the year? Even if they start to understand you better ( that is if you manage to show your non-serious side ), the friendship will start late and will be abit awkward and different. So the first bad point, people too serious have difficulty making new friends.

Imagine you're out on a first date with the girl you like, but you being you and being serious, you started to talk all the serious stuff in your mind, how would the girl feel? So on your first date you start telling/asking the girl "How are your grades like?" " Can you tell me more about yourself" "Hi, my name is X, my hobby is toy collection and i read books and count worms in my free time, what about yours?" If you forsee yourself on a first date with all exchange of serious facts and no laughters and barely any smiles, you know you are being too serious. Don't get me wrong, girls like guys who are serious about certain things. But if you come in a complete package of seriousness, your first date might just as well be your last too with that girl.

You were hanging out with you good friends one day, and in the middle of a joke your friend said something along the lines of "F your X". And the conversation comes to a standstill. You keep quiet, obviously being offended. Your friend start to realise he hit the wrong nail. For the next few moments you find both of you guys walking side by side not knowing what to say. And i will say you are taking things too seriously. Some things should be taken with a pinch of salt. By being too serious about things, you'll find yourself getting offended massively. Being offended equates to being unhappy, and if you know happiness being a factor towards longevity, you'll know you start to live shorter. Your friend will feel you are taking things too seriously, and he may just try to reduce any conversation he will want to make with you so that things between you guys don't get any worse. But i'll say it won't be getting any where better, so it's always better to chill, relax and not be too serious at times.

So many negativity about being too serious, i hope i'd be able to handle seriousness at the right moments.

Oops, i forgot the smile. :)

Random

2010-03-07T19:51:00.004+08:00

This is just one random post.

Just now, i saw this video with the title saying "why asian girls go for white guys". If you bother to notice, you will realise for majority of asian-white cross enthic relationship it involves an asian girl and a white guy. The opposite is rarity. Have your wondered why? I believe there is some reason behind it and it is actually worth some thought. However, i'll skip the discussion here because it is a sensitive topic, i don't want to offend anyone.

Anyway, this weekend is not much different from the last. Gym on sunday and slacking for the other free time of the day. Movies on the saturday and friday night at lot 1. Hopefully pay day can make a difference for the next weekend, you know how things can be spiced up with money.

I'm still looking for something worth discusssing here. Or else all the boring stuff about my daily life will start to flood this blog and i'm sure you won't want to see that. I need something challenging to talk about. :) I used to get inspirations from the newspaper, but recently i haven't found much time to read. I'm currently trying to finish a book on internship which i bought 2 months back. Maybe after finishing that i'll have something to write about the healthcare industry, but i'll warn you it will be something bleak. Halfway into the book, i'm starting to comprehend that life as a doctor is not as perfect as how i used to see it. With that, i wonder if i still can maintain my zest for further applications.

Heart-Breaker

2010-03-06T11:21:00.005+08:00

The day of the release of 'A' levels results is one filled with rejoice and happiness, or heartbreak and disappointment.

Whenever and whatever i can, i will try to offer emotional support to those around who i care. But sad to speak, i don't think i'm anywhere good at it, and far from offering any considerable comfort to them. I believe everyone has their way of dealing with sadness. For me, i get utterly pissed when i fail at something, and people start telling me "life is like this, don't take it too hard, there is nothing you can do about it". I don't like to succumb to myths or facts, or whatever you feel it may be. I always perservere in everything that i think is worthwhile, and i know hardwork will pay off somehow. I got another friend who doesn't like people telling her "are you alright? if you need someone to talk to i'll always be there". So, it is very important to watch what you say when trying to comfort someone. Most importantly, as she say, don't try to understand if you cannot. Therefore, it is best only if you know that person really well. Or else, just leave them alone for a short well they will get better gradually.

This period of time once again reminded me about what i have gone through last year. I know i don't have the right to complain, i personally think i should stfu because there are people worse off. But few can understand the agony i've been through. Grades don't mean anything when they cannot help you achieve your dreams and goals. So what with several As, i still cannot study what i want. Compare to someone with average grades but manage to study what they want, it is obvious to say who is happier. And i believe, satisfaction and happiness are all that matters.

I'm in a dilema now. I subscribed to the NUS Medicine thread from brightsparks because i want to keep myself updated on the latest in application process and the other fine details in relation. But now, i realise i don't have the heart capacity to process all the information. It is heart wrenching, and the more i see, the more upset i become....

Secret Recipe?

2010-03-01T22:44:00.002+08:00

The secret to a happy marriage for men is choosing a wife who is smarter and at least five years younger than you, say UK experts.

These pairings are more likely to go the distance, particularly if neither has been divorced in the past, according to the Bath University team.

The findings predict a happy future for pop star Beyonce Knowles, 28, and rapper husband Jay-Z, 39.

The work is published in the European Journal of Operational Research.

The researchers studied interviews of more than 1,500 couples who were married or in a serious relationship.

Five years later, they followed up 1,000 of the couples to see which had lasted.

For better or worse

They found that if the wife was five or more years older than her husband, they were more than three times as likely to divorce than if they were the same age.

If the age gap is reversed, and the man is older than the woman, the odds of marital bliss are higher.

Add in a better education for the woman - Beyonce has her high school diploma, unlike husband Jay-Z - and the chances of lasting happiness improve further.

Those who have never divorced fare better too. But couples in which one member has been through a divorce in the past are less stable than those in which both members are divorcees.

Dr Emmanuel Fragniere and colleagues do say that men and women choose partners "on the basis of love, physical attraction, similarity of taste, beliefs and attitudes, and shared values."

But they say that using "objective factors" such as age, education and cultural origin "may help reduce divorce".

This is interesting but i don't think it's true. There's no secret recipe for everlasting relationship. It all boils down to effort and commitment. :)

Korean Kraze

2010-02-28T20:04:00.002+08:00

I'm not obessessed with female korean idols, i just like the song. :)

Oh by the way, live performance is always great!

Family and babies

2010-02-28T14:17:00.005+08:00

I'm starting to get excited over the idea that i may be going overseas with my good friends after ORD. If things work out, it'll be the first time overseas with my pals. The past few excursions don't count, because i was there for work purposes like OCIP or exchange progamme. They are equally meaningful but the feel is different. My parent's have reluctantly agree to sponsor 500 for the trip, but i'm still grateful nonetheless. The plan is to go in January, so i have to depend on my ns allowance. I estimate it will cost slightly over 1000 in total, so i hope i can hit that amount by the end of the year. I'm looking forward..

This weekend is as monotonous as the previous, but it means continuing my streak of being a homeboy for the third continuous weekend. Yesterday, i watched hot summer days. It was a great show. It's regrettable i have to watch a romance show with Mark, i'm show he'll agree with on that too! Haha. But there's too many good romance show in the theatres lately. My preference is to watch it with a friend on a weekend, or alone in the weekday preferably at a timeslot like in the early morning when there's no one in the cinema. I can't explain further the reason, must be the solitude i suppose. Dear John is next on the list, so anyone willing to watch it with me? :)

Anyway, yesterday i visited my uncle house to attend his birthday celebration. Truth be told, i wasn't close to him because he was from my paternal side. But since i had nothing to do over the weekend, i went there with my parents. When i saw my cousin and his wife, it actually started me thinking abit. My cousin is 24, and the wife is 21, the baby is 2 months old. They don't fit your typical family because they started their family young. First thing that came to my mind was, always use protective if you really need to do it. Initially, they didn't want the baby because he was discovered when they weren't married. But so as not to go against the family beliefs (she was catholic), they didn't have an abortion and had no choice but to get married. I hope they are truely in love though.

It's sad to be tied down with marriage at such a young age. Financially, you are not stable. I don't know what he was working as and how much he earn per month, but the very least is to be able to support your family comfortably. As the baby turns 1 year old, you'll need to send him to child care and nursery, i'm pretty sure those don't come cheap. You need to make your wife happy, you need to pamper her occasionally and all those require money.

Emotionally, you need to satisfy the need of your wife and the baby. You need to be able to balance your time well, so that you can accompany your baby. You wouldn't want him to start calling you dad when he's a kid because it's until then when he's intellectually smart enough to realise you're his dad. You need to understand what is love truely, before you know how to care for your wife and make her happy. If you so happen to mature quick and grasp the concept of true love well, then good for you i wish you a happy marriage.

Lastly, you need to get the support of your family. At such a young age, it's understandable that parents on both side may not be supportive of the marriage, much less of having a child. Without the support of the in-laws, emotionally it's hard to have the will strength to carry on supporting the family. It's cruel enough to have to start young, and it's put worse by silent criticism from your family members.

Hence, i think it's not too good to start a family young ie. having a kid. Marrying young is still okay i guess, if two people are really in love for a really long time. But not that ideal if it's forced by circumstances like in the case of my cousin. Yeah, that's my opinion. :)

Spam It!

2010-02-24T22:36:00.004+08:00

I came to a conclusion. If a pimple gets any where on your face, spam it with benzoyl peroxide before it transform itself into the something bigger with pus, because when that happens probability of finding yourself being left with a scar is multiplied several times.

A call from someone in office left a dent on my otherwise pleasant day. But i guess i'll skip boring my readers with the details, i'll just leave it as I had a bad day......... Ha! On top of that, the fact is the army is pretty strict about revealing too much on work related issue, so i'd be better off keeping my mouth shut on that matter.

Yesterday's duty went by rather fast, i occupied myself reading the papers and my book. Second came the television. I slowly find myself losing interest in my PSP. For the past few duties, i brought my PSP but barely touched it. I think it's because the games i have had already bore me to a certain extent. It's getting harder to get games online because of broken links posted on forums. It's a tiring process and i'm slowly giving up, because i have other stuff i'd have have preferred to do.

I had been a pretty good boy last weekend, staying at home over the weekends except for a short trip to ikea to accompany my parents. I hope it'll stay that way. :)

3 Great Songs

2010-02-22T21:03:00.003+08:00

Hi, recommended as follows:

If you came from my time, i wonder if you found these songs familiar? Drop me a comment. :)

It was all good

2010-02-19T20:10:00.006+08:00

I'm surprised at how time flies when you are enjoying. Looking back, it has already been one week since the long chinese new year break, and soon it's back to work and more shit.

Anyway, looking back at the past few days, i indeed have a pretty good time. Minus the fact that yesterday was a waste of time. I went to duty expecting to use the internet, but i was heavily disappointed because the i-net terminal was down. So i dutifully used my time to study for today's hr knowledge test... Probably it was the right choice, for i manage to finish all the questions in time. Hopefully, i get the 1 day off so that i put it to good use. :)

I kinda regretted taking 1 day off on wednesday, because i didn't do anything productive. I went for a swim in the morning, and took the afternoon to apply for an UOB debit card. Good promotions here i come.. ~ And i can't believe i spend the night studying for the test too! Studying for the test definitely took more than a day, and right now i feel so much like asking for more offs.. It will only justify the amount of effort i had put in... Hahaha

The first to third day of the lunar new year were spend doing house visit. Honestly, i found it pretty boring cause there was nothing much to interact. It feels like there's nothing interesting to talk or share between my relatives and i. So i spend most of my time idling.. Actually, the highlight was seeing the new dog that my cousin has. He's so cute, the way he barks at us when we arrived and seeing him shiver when a group of us entered the house. He chickened out. Lol.

I think that was a rather boring recount of my dull holidays. Perhaps the best moments are better left unsaid, only we know. :)

Don't Stop, Make It Pop

2010-02-16T23:27:00.001+08:00

Please don't stop blogging, i'm your no.1 fan! :)

It's CNY's eve!

2010-02-13T21:59:00.004+08:00

And yes today is the eve of chinese new year! Guess how i spend it?

I woke up at 1.50pm, possibly my personal best yet. I did some spring cleaning in the noon. It was nothing more than just clearing up two drawers, but to me, it was quite a feat! I realise how much nonsense i still cannot bear to throw back then. Now, i'm glad i'm more willing to throw stuff, and so into the bin went those old notes, toys and gifts. (But of cause that was because they weren't that significant)

In the evening, i had reunion dinner with my maternal relatives. I had my first memorable taste of red wine. My past encounters were with pretty shitty red wine which were hard to digest and left a rather bitter taste. The one i had today was slight bitterish, but sweet and pleasant tasting towards the end, so i like it! And my uncle bought an extra bottle, so i have some to drink if i so feel like drinking it again. :) Tonight, i need to help my dad with prayers, so i guess i'll be up late again.

Anyway i think it's pretty funny that guys do look at pretty girls but some of them get jealous when their girlfriends or the girl they like start telling them about a handsome or good looking chap whom they have just seen. I'm laughing at myself then.

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR GUYS!

I don't know how it will end up to be, but i'll try.

2010-02-09T19:15:00.003+08:00

Regardless delibrate or not, i'm glad it happened and right now, i no longer need to hide under the radar anymore. CSM now knows i'm staying out "illegally" for valid reasons till april, so till now, i'll not have to worry.

The days get tougher in camp. After the S3 conference, we came to know of some new implementations as a follow up to some undesired behaviour by several HQ Coy soldiers. Existing rules that were just implemented were:

1. No use of I-NET unless during break time.
2. Last parade extended from 5.15pm to 5.45.
3. No taking of MC unnecessarily outside of camp.

Additional rules that came into effect with today:

4. All are to attend out of camp run despite of medical status.
5. All external MAs will have to be properly regulated.

It looks like all the welfare that we used to enjoy are slowly disappearing due to sabotage or abuse by fellow brigade mates...

Anyway, enough of camp. Today was quite like a roller coaster ride. It didn't start off well, peak off in the noon and got abit sucky again in the evening. But the sun is setting and the end of the day is coming, i hope tomorrow will be a better day. :)

Today also taught me of an existing flaw of mine that i cannot change. I have problem expressing myself in the best proper manner for the occasion. Just like back in april, i thought i came up with an awesome Personal Statement for my application to Medicine. When i had my friend to check through it, he came back with many critical comments and room for improvements. What can i do?... Or probably, sometimes i should just be myself and put less importance on other's opinions....

On a happier note, CNY is coming and i look forward to the festive mood and season! and meeting u too. :)

Baby

2010-02-06T19:40:00.001+08:00

Oh woooah, oh woooooah, oh wooooah, oh.
You know you love me, I know you care,
you shout whenever and I’ll be there.
You are my love, you are my heart
and we will never ever ever be apart.
Are we an item? girl quit playing,
we’re just friends, what are you saying.
Said there’s another, look right in my eyes,
my first love broke my heart for the first time.
And I was like…

Baby, baby, baby oooooh,
like baby, baby, baby noooooooo,
like baby, baby, baby, ooooh.
Thought you’d always be mine, mine (repeat)

Oh, for you I would have done whatever,
and I just can’t believe we aint together
and I wanna play it cool the thought of losing you
I buy you anything, I buy you any ring,
and now please say baby fix me and you shake me til’ you wake me from this bad dream.
I’m going down down down down
and I just can’t believe my first love won’t be around.
And I’m like…

Baby, baby, baby oooooh,
like baby, baby, baby noooooooo,
like baby, baby, baby, ooooh.
Thought you’d always be mine, mine (repeat)

Luda, When I was 13 I had my first love,
there was nobody that compared to my baby
and nobody came between us, no-one could ever come above
She had me going crazy, oh I was star-struck,
she woke me up daily, don’t need no Starbucks.
She made my heart pound, I skip a beat when I see her in the street and
at school on the playground but I really wanna see her on the weekend.
She knows she got me dazing coz she was so amazing
and now my heart is breaking but I just keep on saying….

Baby, baby, baby oooooh,
like baby, baby, baby noooooooo,
like baby, baby, baby, ooooh.
Thought you’d always be mine, mine (repeat)

Now I’m gone,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
now I’m all gone.
Gone, gone, gone, gone, I’m gone.

Oh My Zune

2010-02-05T23:07:00.003+08:00

Oh my god, i'm slowly watching my zune HD getting screwed but yet not being able to do anything about it.

Everytime i charge, more permanent horizontal lines appear on the screen. I can't do away with charging, so as time goes by, i see more and more lines appearing.

And since it is US only, i can't find help to get it fixed.

Microsoft hasn't been really helpful, and the China dude who sold me the Zune went back on his words in that at the time of purchase, he said he will help liase with his US counterpart to get it fixed if it breaks down.

My Zune is less than 3 months old, and it has to be so unfortunate for this to happen to mine even though i took care of it well.

How? :(

On A Sunday

2010-01-31T19:34:00.002+08:00

Mark showed me this link, and i was totally shocked. I've never imagined lot 1 in such a chaotic state. Even when Jam Hsiao was there, it was no where close. I guess this shows the power of not 1, by 5 handsome dudes, and the power of celebrity-crazy teenage girls. Thank god i wasn't there, because i'd definitely be put off by the crowd. Probably this is jus a girl's thing. Because even if the prettiest female celebrity was in town, and even at lot 1, like say maybe... , i cannot think of any, but the point is i won't be there to catch it with such a messy crowd. I just cannot understand the point of having to waste time to move, to squeeze and constantly tipping toe (because i am short) to catch a short glimpse of her. It is not worth it in my opinion, because from afar it is so unclear i think i'd be better off seeing their music video at home.

Anyway, today was a sunday spent at home. I'm not complaining because i don't spend a cent. I can't wait for payday because i'm really broke i have to watch every single cent i spend, till the next payday. Haha. And should i persist with such mentality, i forsee myself going bust again real soon after next payday. I don't know how the sunday went so fast, because i cannot remember doing anything productive or meaningful. Ok, let's see.

I woke up at 10am.

Switched on the com and laze around.

Had dinner at 2pm

Read the newspaper at 4pm, slept at 5pm.

Woke up at 7pm, had dinner and blogged till now.

Gosh, if i sleep at 11pm tonight, by calculations i only have 3 hours left! I better go catch a few episodes of my drama first.....

Good Things to Cheer For!

2010-01-28T17:56:00.003+08:00

Now i know why some people say all good things come together, because it happened to me today.

Pay day will come earlier this month thanks to Chinese New Year. Probably CaiShen has found out from DBS that my account is running low on cash, so he's easing my financial flow for this month. Though 400 isn't much, it brings great relief that money is coming sooner than expected. Hopefully, it doesn't disappear sooner before the next payday. I hope i reach my savings target, initially meant for last year but failed to reach due to additional expenses like toys and mp3 player.

Secondly, i finally have time to catch up on 海派甜心 while doing duty. Though i'm still at episode one (it takes years to load on military internet), i'm pretty sure i'll make progress through the night. :)

Thirdly, the weekend it coming, and one of my friend is coming back from Thailand. Looking forward to a great weekend ahead!

Again On Duty

2010-01-28T09:04:00.002+08:00

Once again, i think blogging while on duty is an easy way to pass time. At this instant, i have nothing much i want to write about, but this urge to blog just came. I cannot find anything interesting or meaningful to share, so i think i shan't waste your time into reading rubbish.

I shall end here, cheers, and have a nice day everyone. :)

矛盾

2010-01-24T22:49:00.006+08:00

其实有满多话想对你说，但却不懂怎么表达。
有时总觉得自己不了解你，看了这么多遍还不知你想说什么。
好无奈，也好矛盾，可是却没勇气多问。
天天这样过着这样的生活也不是永远的办法。
也许该采取行动，否这太迟就后悔来不及。
好多次问问了自己，之间是什么关系，但是心好乱找不到答案。
还在等待，请你给一点暗示吧。